Pick Up Lines #44

Tera Patrick and Jeanie Rivers! That's what I was thinking. But no, don't get too excited...it's not that good.

We start off with Jake Steed and Jeanie, a skinny blonde with a cute face. Jeanie goes down on Jake while he's taking pictures, then he chows her for a bit. Two fucking positions later, and Jake's giving Jeanie the first facial of the feature - a decent one. Jake coats all of Jeanie's face, but she can't open her eyes through the spunk and one last look would have been nice.

Next up is busty Angelica, meeting up with her "Rastaman" (their term) boyfriend Byron Long. Another relatively short scene...they get at it on top of a car, Byron eating out Angelica. The sex is a bit conventional, and we're quickly onto the cumshot, Byron shooting mostly onto Angelica's chin. Short, choppy, poor angles.

I was very excited about the third scene...20-year-old Hungarian Christine is riding her bike in a tank top and (very) tight bike shorts. This scene is also in the Extra Features section for "Couples Only". Essentially, it's the Playboy TV, phallic-phobic, "I can't see any of the damn action" version of this same scene. John Walton is polishing his motorcycle when the cute redhead rides up on her bicycle and polishes his knob. Sadly, this isn't Christine's strongest area, and she struggles to get much beyond the tip between her lips. John gets in on the action between Christine's thighs, licking her cunt and asshole vigorously. A few solid pussy-pounding sex scenes follow, all generally highlighting Christine's body. The anal sequence (one of two advertised) is a poor angle, Christine on her side, and we can't see much. The cumshot is dutifully delivered, and even though she seems rather repulsed by it, she dutifully rubs it around her face for a bit. Disappointing for what could have been, but that describes quite a bit around here.

Another Hungarian starlet is up when pretty blonde Shally visits Nick Lang's place. We get to the action quickly as Nick runs tongue rings around Shally's nipple, stuffing a couple of fingers in her wet snatch for good measure. Shally gets down on Nick's dick, but like her fellow countrywoman Christine, has difficulty getting more than the head of his shaft in her mouth. She lays back Nick's cock now powering into her pussy. There are some very clear, hot close-ups here, and we stick with this position for a few minutes. This scene just seems to be done so much better than the others so far. She rides him for a few minutes before Nick goes anal. Ugh, the same position Christine was in. I thought we were doomed to the same ending, but they change positions (so we can actually see something) and there are some more very clear close-ups of the action. You can see Shally's pussy lips contract with each thrust Nick throws into her ass. Shally takes his load right on the tongue, letting it dribble out and coating Nick's shaft with it. For a really long time. Still going, in fact.

Somewhere in this mess I missed Stacy, a third Hungarian with an average body, medium sized breasts but tiny nipples that make the whole package look great. Frank Major catches her attention, wankering off behind a door. He comes out, and she starts sucking his throbber. Sadly, Stacy suffers from the same cock paralysis as the two other Hungarian starlets, and takes little more than his head into her mouth. (Is there some kind of shortage on practice over there? Should we send volunteers?) Stacy takes a break from giving head to walk over to the (admittedly scenic) balcony, modeling her ass and legs to Frank and, thankfully, us. Frank comes over, pushes Stacy's panties aside, and his tongue has his way with her cunt. The ensuing sex is average, made better by Stacy's fantastic body. The money shot is delivered across her lips, spilling down to her tits. Solid, but not spectacular.

After cheating glimpses at Tera and Mark Davis throughout the film (I guess the premise is that they're watching all of these rendezvous on television), we get to the rising star herself. She models for a few pictures with "photographer" Mark Davis. Nacho comes over for a visit. (How come I don't have sexy friends like this?) Tera grabs Nacho to join her in some pictures. Nacho concentrates on Tera's gorgeous tits for a bit, Mark hovering in the back with the camera. Then Nacho starts down at her feet, licking his way up her legs for a brief taste of ass. Tera goes down on Nacho's massive cock, pulling in as much as she can (still more than the Hungarians). Mark jumps in at this point, and Tera sucks and strokes off both men for a decent facial. No penetrations here, gang.

The extras aren't much. There's a brief bio on each starlet, and a feature to jump straight to her scene. Chapter stops are plentiful, and there's a behind-the-scenes feature on Tera, Mark, and Nacho. The photo gallery is mediocre.

Overall, the video quality was good, but the shot selection was questionable in a few spots. Sound was a mixed bag...the girls put in a good vocal performance, but the music can get in the way (almost some Weather Channel stuff here). Some scenes were too short, some stuff when on too long, and despite some gorgeous girls (Jeanie, Tera, and my unexplained fascination with Christine), the end result turned out surprisingly average. You'll wonder where the rest of the movie has gone off to. This surely can't be the whole thing.

If it were not for its opening and closing acts, Pick Up Lines #44 would probably just be another run-of-the mill porn movie. However, given the fact that the opening scene contains the beautiful blonde Jeanie Rivers and the last scene contains a equally cute brunette who goes by the name of Tera Patrick (you may have heard of her!), this volume in the ongoing series is worth taking a look.

The film opens with Jake Steed playing a photographer taking pictures of Jeanie. But Jake can't concentrate on his work because Jeanie keeps reaching over to grab his crotch. Jake soon wises up and says to hell with the camera, and lets her go down on him. The scene contains a nice bit of reverse cowgirl and doggy style action, but the real reason to tune in is to see the nice facial that Jeanie gets for the segment's climax.

After the first scene, things could only go downhill...and they do--pretty much for the remainder of the disc, although Tera saves the day by performing in the final scene. Scene two introduces us to Angelica, who does it on the hood of a truck with Bryon Long (who will always be "Austin Prowler" to this reviewer!). The sex here is pretty weak, but not anywhere near as week as Byron's cumshot at the end...it looks like he didn't save up for the filming of this scene, and given the performers he has done in the past compared to Angelica, I can't blame him!

Scene three is an interesting one to watch, since a "cable version" (or softcore version) of this scene appears as a bonus on the supplemental material of this disc. I watched the softcore version first, and it was amazing to me how the same scene seemed so much more erotic as a softcore version than it did a hardcore one. Christine is a short-haired girl who introduces herself to John Walton (no relation to John Boy!) and helps him get his motorcycle revved up, so to speak. The climax (which can only be seen in the hardcore version) is interesting, because Christine seems as if she is really disgusted by the facial, and afterwards, happy that it is all over. This does not come across at all on the softcore version, which ends prior to the climax. At the very least, viewers can use the softcore version to try and trick their wives and girlfriends into thinking that porn isn't as hardcore as she thinks it might be...and who knows, it might very well be the spark needed to get your partner "into" porn!

After two more forgettable scenes, one with Stacy and one with Shally (and both with facial climaxes), we finally get to what we have been waiting to see...Tera getting it on with both Mark Davis and Nacho. But before you rush out and pick up a copy, a word of warning: Tera only gives a double blowjob in this sequence...which was just fine by me, but those of you looking for actual penetration of anything other than Tera's mouth may come away disappointed. For those of you (like me) who just want to see Tera suck some cock, you won't be let down as she takes both guy's loads over her more than willing lips and mouth.

The bonus features on this disc are nicely done, featuring the aforementioned softcore scene with Christine, star biographies, six trailers and a behind the scenes segment which focuses solely on Tera's scene...which is pretty much the scene we want to find out about anyway! The video is above average, but the audio, while it sounds alright, seems dubbed in at the last minute, with a lot of unnecessary music drowning out what we really want to hear: the actresses moaning and begging for more.

While the opening and ending of this title are great, everything that happens in-between is so mediocre, that this DVD is only an average one overall. But fans of both Jeanie and Tera will definitely want to check this one out, as both actresses really turn up the heat in their segments.