18 & Lost in LA

After being to sit through an interminable introductory logo sequence and a few equally unwanted advertisements, I was not exactly in a generous critical mood to review 18 AND LOST IN LA, despite the prospect of seeing gorgeous Aimee Sweet in all her naked glory. This long-legged, auburn-haired beauty is one of the freshest faces and tightest all-natural bodies I've seen in a longtime. The fact that she has her own website and that her pictures are plastered everywhere in newsgroups validate my admiration for this vision of loveliness. Unfortunately, she does not do hardcore (yet), and neither do most of the girls spotlighted in this borderline PG-13 video.

The implied premise of 18 AND LOST IN LA (and mind you, it's purely a literary guess on my part) is that we are witnessing a nude photo shoot of some of Los Angeles' newest young talents, all of whom are only identifiable by their first names. I suppose that the subtext here is that these are young, wannabe starlets who are succumbing to doing nude layouts for the adult industry as part of their climb towards stardom. It was only through this type of speculation that I was able to derive some form of entertainment watching this blurry, monochromatic video of hardbodies stripping, posing (and in only a couple case) playing with herself for the cameras.

I appreciate static beauty as much as the next guy, but if I'm going to have to watch a whole video of nothing but pretty girls striking poses in slow-motion, then I would be far better off with the latest Andrew Blake release, which at the very least, looks like it was produced with a degree of skill and talent. I don't mind softcore tease at all, but this one doesn't even try to arouse beyond going through the motions.

Pale blonde Lois is attractive, but is probably not at her appearance best during her so-called photo shoot. The video camera barely moves throughout each vignette, and the lounge room Muzak which makes up the entire soundtrack (except for the occasional clicking of a still camera) makes this one hypnotic production...meaning that it is sure to induce in any viewer. I also have to imagine that it is pure laziness as opposed to artistic license that the photographer occasionally appears at the side of the screen while he takes pictures. Assuming that this was, indeed, a real photo shoot, then it's absolutely clear that this production was just an afterthought to cash in on the static cheesecake. Unlike the R-rated behind the scenes feature SUZE RANDALL'S SUPER SEXY VOL 1 AND 2, which is really a superficial documentary on that acclaimed photographer's work, 18 AND LOST IN LA is just a quickie video done on the cheap, and the title is just a suggestive play on words (the video's meaningless slogan is "Welcome to the jungle") which has nothing to do with the contents. Cute brunette Delila grabs a hold of several phallic objects like a cucumber, banana, carrot, glass bottle, turkey baster and of course a dildo near her pretty little pussy, but there is almost no true penetration to speak of. Dirty blonde Jenny puts some foreign objects in a little deeper, but it's all done so lamely and so slowly that I was surprised she didn't yawn continuously before the cameras. Naturally, I was much more forgiving watching Aimee Sweet (billed as Samantha, although I am sure neither is her real name) show off that fantastic body of hers, but it wasn't nearly enough to save the program. If Ms. Sweet ever decided to do hardcore, she may just replace Nikki Dial and Lauren Hall as my two all-time favorites. The video ends with more of the same from dirty blonde Bobbi, who is a bit thicker than the other women, but still damn cute. I tried to identify whether I had seen her before in dirty movies under a different name, but the crappy videography barely moves in for a close-up or a different angle until the last few minutes of her session. Those Roman sandals that she wears throughout aren't at all flattering, either but I'm surprised they put included any kind of footwear at all in this poverty-stricken budget production.

The opening credits are longer and more detailed than the ones for SUPERMAN THE MOVIE, but it all seems like a sham to pad out the ninety-minute running time. If you consider a website promotional ad, a chapter selection menu and a blurry photo gallery to be extras, then yes, technically, this DVD has extras. But none of these are worth discussing other than to mention that they kind of exist for those interested...

Get this movie only if you like Aimee Sweet as much as I do. Even then, I can hardly muster even the weakest of recommendations.

Yep, that's Aimee Sweet on the cover of the box! And for all you Aimee fans who have been dying to see her do a XXX girl/girl scene, sorry, this movie isn't it (it is, instead, a filming of several solo-girl photoshoots). Until Aimee takes the big plunge, the best I've found so far is "Penthouse: Pet Of The Year 2000 Winner" (available from Adult Video Empire), which features her in some exciting simulated girl/girl activity.