Teen America: Mission #22

TEEN AMERICA: MISSION #22 is a gonzo title which starts off as being merely "pretty good" and ends up being "just great!" thanks to appearance of gorgeous blonde Teagan, and the stunningly sexy Sasha Grey. Though they don't perform together, they do contribute two straight scenes of their own which are yet another example of how their sexual prowess is equivalent to sex appeal.

Director Robby D. once again assumes his "Jack" persona. As with the vast majority of his flicks, the comedic bits can be as hit and miss as a Mike Meyer's movie, where some stabs at humor succeed wildly and others just lie there like a $50 hooker. My personal problem is that the "Jack" character is neither as seemingly spontaneous as John Stagliano's Buttman persona nor as likeable as Seymore Butts. Instead, Jack comes off as frat-boy obnoxious rather than an innocent participant, and one must resist the powerful urge to speed search whenever he's directly involved in the proceedings. But like him or love him, there's no doubt that he can present some very memorable carnal moments, and there are plenty of them in TEEN AMERICA #22.

In this movie, an overriding "theme" is that the behind the scenes crew, namely the microphone technician, gets to share in part of the action. There must be some deliberate irony going on by the director, because it's almost impossible to hear any of the girls on-camera. (Of course, Jack's own voice booms out loud like a screeching T-Rex.) Jenny Hendrix, in particular, speaks in such hushed whispers that only subtitles would have made her words more intelligible. If getting blowjobs is the punishment for such technical incompetence by these sound-guys, than I can't imagine what the reward is for doing the job right (perhaps a foursome with Megan Fox, Hayden Pantierre and Jessica Alba?).

Adrianna Lynn is the first contestant to try-out for Miss Teen America. The irresistible charms of her cute smile, bit tits and generally hot body are somewhat offset by her widespread tattoos (including one on the rim of her anus which reads - I kid you not - "Little Fuckhole"). We find her wrapped up in cellophane for whatever reason, and she is quickly removed from her plastic restraints in order to pleasure Mick Blue, who portrays a boom mic operator. She gives him head, but resists going down too deeply. He eats her out, fucks her on and off a couch, and then spills his goods into her mouth, which is mostly spit out. Cute girl, but average scene.

Things can't help but pick up when it's Annette Schwarz's turn to deliver. A sexy blonde who is about as nasty as mainstream porn gets, she is introduced wearing what I can only describe as black stretch chaps with a fishnet top. Her thick German accent is the subject of some contrived banter between the director and Tommy Gunn, who is also playing a behind-the-camera technician. Mr. Gunn gets to do his thing with Miss Schwarz while Robby gets a grope or two. Predictably, Annette burns the screen with some thrusting blowjobs, aggressive fucking, and hard anal, concluding with a swallowed cumshot.

The pace then slows down again with the next scene featuring olive skinned hottie Jenny Hendrix. We follow her walking up to Scott Nails' mansion (pretty respectable for a guy who apparently can't pass advanced mathematics) with the camera close-up on her ass which is squeezed (unflatteringly, I thought) in tight jeans. She is there to tutor him in calculus, but instead of figuring out differentials, they turn to extracurricular activities beginning with a hummer under the table. With her pouty mouth and slight overbite, it would seem that Miss Hendrix's mouth would be perfect for a graphic blowjob scene, but her technique is a bit too shallow and involves too much work with her hands. They fuck rather functionally and it ends with him jacking off in her face while she smiles at the camera. Like Adrianna Lynn's scene, this one is a bit "meh."

But as mentioned before, the final two scenes save what might have been an "average"-rated video. Teagan, looking luscious in towering high heels and a shiny red bikini lingerie, plays the sound technician this time around (don't ask!), and ends up on a couch with Tyler Durden. Teagan is one of those rare porn starlets who embodies the perfect combination of slutty sex kitten and pure fresh-faced beauty, even with all her amazing curves and bouncy behind. The sheer eye-candy almost distracts from the fact that much of the rough sex play (including ass-to-mouth cock sucking, throat fucking and a doggy-style schtupping with her hands held behind her back) ends up exhausting her partner to the point where it looked like he wouldn't be able to whip up a pop shot. Fortunately, Teagan coaxes him into splooging in her mouth and swallows the result without hesitation.

Sasha Grey finishes TEEN AMERICA in an interracial scene with African-American performer Ethan Hunt. Playing a valet, Miss Grey looks great in black and white business attire, which shows off her long legs and slender frame. After displaying her ass for the camera, she crouches down to suck off a patron in the parking garage, and then the two retreat to an elevator where they fuck any which way they can, despite the somewhat small confines. We don't get an anal scene, but we do get to see her swallow, which to me is just as good.

Strangely enough, TEEN AMERICA #22 is rather lean when it comes to bonus features. Along with a photo gallery and a website blurb, we get a set of trailer showing off the classy, high budgeted features Digital Playground is known for, but the Behind The Scenes featurette is absent, which is disappointing. But don't let the lack of extras and two average scenes dissuade you from picking this one up. All the girls look great in high definition, and Blu-ray is the only way to go if you're a fan of any of the cast. The sound is in 5.1 surround, but that doesn't necessarily help the original miking problems obviously made during the shoot. But really, I could care less about audio when my eyes are feasted on Teagan and Sasha Grey doing what they do best. Consider TEEN AMERICA #22 to be an average film elevated to five-star status thanks to these two very sweet pieces of eye-candy.