Get Smartass

I happened to miss GET SMART in the theater, but I was around when reruns were shown regularly on pre-cable television. The TV show was a spoof on the secret agent/spy genre, and was probably even more accomplished than anything dreamed up by the AUSTIN POWERS pictures. Further, the deadpan performances by the late Don Adams and the sheer eye-candy presented by Barbara Feldon (as his partner Agent 99) were not lost upon me as a tyke, but I don't feel have compelling reason to re-visit the series or even to see the current motion picture despite the nostalgia.

Instead, I'm more than satisfied to settle down with GET SMARTASS, a feature presentation by Hustler directed by longtime pornographer Stuart Canterbury. It's a decent, enjoyable adult flick highlighted by some fine sex scenes and a light tone appropriate to its subject. Though significantly limited by budget, the set designs and art direction of GET SMARTASS do recall the look of the original series, and not once does the film stray away from its satirical approach. Even more effective is Dino Bravo as the lead character, who bears some resemblance to the original actor though his acting chops aren't quite as convincing. Sure, the humor doesn't meet the standards of Mel Brooks or Buck Henry, but it's at least better than what is usually offered in porn. Hustler parodies like NOT THE BRADYS XXX and the upcoming THIS AIN'T THE MUNSTERS are a nice change of pace from the monstrous glut of gonzo released by almost every studio on a never-ending basis, and GET SMARTASS does the job well in balancing sex with storyline.

While the erotic escapades aren't quite as thrilling as the thought of a naked Anne Hathaway getting bopped and banged onscreen, the hardcore still leans towards excellence. Kayla Paige in particular, delivers slow, playful blowjobs on Eric Swiss which will make your balls ache for relief. Blonde hotties Even Adams and Envi practice their sexual talents on each other in a lesbian affair which is straightforward, but still enjoyable. Britney Amber gets it on with Rod Fontana, and Veronica Jett gets her turn at bedding down with Mr. Swiss. Finally, Veronica Rayne concludes the movie with Tony DeSergio, highlighted by some good sixty-nine shots and tit-fucking. For a movie of this ambition, I was disappointed to find only five sex scenes, which is standard for Hustler, but that number is usually exceeded by the competition. Also, while there is some butt-play involving fingers and tongues, anal penetration doesn't make an appearance here. So fans of backdoor action should not rely on the multiple meanings of the title as an indicator of the sexual contents.

The stereo (2.0) sound is more than acceptable, but with this kind of movie, a surround soundtrack would have added novelty value. The picture quality, however, is superb. Through a stroke of luck, I was able to get a hold of GET SMARTASS on DVD, and compare it directly with the Blu-ray. For those who claim not to see a difference between high and standard definition, GET SMARTASS should be used as a reference (just make sure your audience is open-minded about dirty movies). The Blu-ray's picture is brighter, crisper and more detailed. That's not to say that the anamorphic picture on the "regular" DVD is anything less than above average, but a side-by-side comparison proves that high definition is worth all its hype (assuming you have the proper equipment, including a widescreen television of at least 42 inches). Watching GET SMARTASS on Blu-ray, you will notice fine details, such as the tiny freckles on Kayla Paige's shoulders as the camera focuses on her simply exquisite oral talents, as well as the clarity of the honey-comb window screen in the background. The same image on the standard DVD is blurrier and washed out. If you want your porn experience to be as ideal as possible, this high definition presentation is the only acceptable choice. Once you go Blu, you don't go back.

GET SMARTASS, indeed. I got it, and so should you.