Rocco's Cravings

I like to compare adult movies to action flicks. It's usually for reasons like the plot is always secondary and you don't really care about good acting. But in the case of European import Rocco's Cravings, it's the hilariously bad kung-fu-flick dubbed voices. I tried every language from French to Polish and all of them were overdubs. But who cares what tongue cover girl Carolyn Monroe and company are using? Their body language is universal.

Constat D'Adultere is the original title. I don't speak French, but if it happens to mean "constant adultery", it's an accurate name. Whatever you want to call it, Rocco's Cravings follows the investigations of some sort of fidelity task . Rocco Siffredi is the not-so-straight shooting head of the team, which includes the irresistible Monroe. Throughout the film, they investigate a series of illicit rendezvous, some of which are set up to charge people hassle fees. Is the plot interesting? Well, I'm not even sure exactly what the hell's going on. But I do know that whatever it is, it allows for a lot of people having sex. So, I guess the plot is great.

Of course, the real story here is Carolyn Monroe. While her name is an obvious reference to everyone's favorite fifties film femme, this Monroe is cut from the cloth of porn's classic 80's bombshell - platinum haired, balloon breasted and ever ready for a roll in the hay. Knowing that gentlemen prefer blondes, she'll give you a seven-year itch that demands to be scratched. So, sharpen your claws because Monroe earns her starring status in four scenes that leave no question that some like it hot.

Monroe's first foray reminds us that there are occasions when two truths converge. For instance, time is fleeting and quantity does not dictate quality. To put it another way, God bless quickies. While waiting for a tardy Rocco to meet them for a raid, Monroe and the marriage mod squad's locksmith (Philippe Soine) seize the opportunity to make sure his slim jim is in working order. Beneath the fire escape of an old stone building, Soine can no longer contain himself in the presence of this truly divine Miss M and grabs her ass. In classic fashion, her outrage briskly turns to genitalia geniality as he his dreams come true. (Legal Disclaimer: Do not try this at your workplace.) With the impulsive urgency that only comes with knowing you could get caught, she goes to her knees drinking him down and jerking him off between her magnificent mams. With the clock ticking, she assumes the position. With her posterior prone and fists white knuckling the iron stairs, he has himself a taste of the sweet life before immersing himself in her lap of luxury. But Soine knows that time waits for no man and Monroe has no trouble coaxing him to promptly lose his load.

On the other hand, Monroe also knows that there's also a time for the marathon. She and Rocco come up with a plan to be rid of her husband. Delightfully, this plan is basically that she screws him until he can't take it anymore and has to on the couch. (I guess being human is grounds for divorce in France.) She begins with a pleasant little strip tease. But when the threads hit the floor, she proceeds to give him the thrashing of his life, aggressively consuming his cock and riding him like his name is Secretariat. Even after he cums, she's ready for the daily double and gets right back in the saddle. Her insatiability drives him to the couch. The plan is a success...I think.

Speaking of doubling up, Rocco is lucky enough to have two encounters with the comely Carolyn. In the first, she arrives early to work to find Rocco already there. They chat and coffee talk quickly turns coital bliss. It's in her scenes with Siffredi that Monroe's notable oral skills come to the fore. Although Rocco is one of the more hung men in the biz, she's right at home with the abundant flesh, taking him in with ferocity. It's an office setting; so naturally, he lays her across his desk on either side before giving her some of nature's skin lotion. In the movie's last scene, she gives Rocco a pass to go backstage, which he gladly accepts, before she milks him all over her face.

There's an abundance of other European cuties to round out the cast of happy adulterers. Unfortunately, I don't know their names. (There are no bios.) I do know that a certain brunette has a couple of pleasers. The film's first scene finds her between a Rocco and Soine's hard place. Talk about grace under pressure. She plays an impressive game of musical man-meat. She also gets to play a black-clad widow seeking some consolation against the wishes of her husband's will. After giving her his best, her visitor consummates his offering through her mourning vale.

Rest assured. If you dig imports, this should be a welcome find. The Old World setting is a merry place to see. But Carolyn Monroe seems like she'd be just as at home in Silicone Valley.