Housesitter (Vivid)

Luscious Asian knockout, Kira, stars in Vivid's "Housesitter" as, well, a housesitter for the lascivious Lauren Montgomery. While the premise for this movie is certainly promising (innocent Kira housesitting for a woman with a sex business), it quickly falls flat and becomes nothing more than a dull setup for five action scenes thankfully starring some A-1 talent. While I was looking forward to Kira having to take on the role of sexual surrogate for the clients of her missing boss, or some such setup, don't hold your breath with this one if "situational" is what you are looking for.

That said, however, the action in this flick is downright superb. The women are outstanding and the scenes are generally well-lit with good sound quality. Sound during the non-sex scenes (in case you wanted to pick up some "plot points" or T.T. Boy's monotone dialogue) is abysmal.

Kira's adventure begins when she shows up for work only to find Lauren Montgomery banging away with her chauffer, Erik Everhard, right on the front lawn (who says good help is hard to find?). After Erik empties his brake fluid on Lauren's ass, Kira is given her housesitting instructions and Lauren exits the picture. As best as I could figure, Lauren runs some sort of phone sex business that mainly involves listening to other people have sex. (Maybe someone with an M.B.A. can explain to me how you would make money doing this 'cuz damned if I could figure it out). Anyway, Kira quickly gets accustomed to receiving these strange calls and actually starts to get off on them. In one scene she listens in as Vince Voyeur and Chennin Blanc go at it in a variety of positions before Chennin gulps down Vince's cream at the end. The absolutely stunning Chandler and Paisley Adams phone in, and we have a front row seat as they use their mouths, fingers, strap-ons and 2-headed dildos to make each other hot and creamy.

Spurred on by all this hot action she is eavesdropping on, Kira takes her own flight of fantasy and imagines being ravished by Dale DaBone. Kira is absolutely stunning and, thankfully, free of tattoos and other revolting "body art." Although Kira's performance is somewhat subdued for my taste, watching her curvaceous body and moist pussy as Dale takes her in various positions certainly made my little general stand at attention. (However, I was a little disappointed that Kira never takes any cum in her mouth or face during the film. Oh well, life can't always be perfect).

Back in the "real" world, marble-mouthed T.T. Boy, a neighbor, who, I guess knows what is going on, implores Kira that interacting with people over the phone is not reality and not a true connection with anyone (I haven't been this moved by a film since Pauly Shore got the girl in "Bio-Dome"). I guess Kira understands T.T.'s message because it is straight to the couch where she hungrily sucks his meat before the wise and noble T.T. gives it to her in the missionary and doggy positions. Now, if that isn't reality I don't know what is.

Various scenes along the way use mutiple-angle technology which is really pointless and frustrating. You will spend so much time battling with your remote to figure out how to switch angles that you will miss the action. Don't bother. Also, make sure to use the "manual menu" option (which simply lists all the options) rather than the "interactive menu," unless you love aimlessly (and slowly) moving through a virtual reality castle trying to point and click to play the film and find all the little hidden goodies. Other extras include additional Kira footage, bios on various Vivid girls (with samples of their work), previews, web promos, and other footage. Despite the highly confusing and frustrating interface, there is plenty of good extra material packed on this DVD....if you can find it without pulling your hair out. However, the payoff is well worth the effort.