Housekeeper, The

THE HOUSEKEEPER, a 2004 release from the always great Vivid Entertainment, and prolific porn director, Paul Thomas, offers up a bevy of stacked, leggy, female talent and ample quantities of fucking tossed in among a pointless, forgettable "plot."



Randy Spears, who, despite getting more leathery with each film, has still boned more pussy than you or I will in 50 lifetimes, stars as a photographer (or something) who can't take his messy house any longer and decides he needs some domestic help. Of course, who else answers his housekeeping ad but blonde goddess, Tawny Roberts. Wow, just like real life! (Unfortunately, the last person who agreed to be my cleaning lady was a 60-year-old grandmother from Guatemala. Not only couldn't she clean very well but the sex was terrible......just kidding).



Anyway, Tawny is in desperate need of work and a place to stay after her boyfriend, Evan Stone, gives her the boot...right after engaging in an energetic suck and fuck session in his bedroom. Evan gives Tawny some prolonged oral action and the two perform some 69 and banging in the missionary, reverse cowgirl, and doggy positions, with Evan giving Tawny a creamy pink slip all over her face. Of course, Randy heartily welcomes Tawny into his home and she sets to work straightening and cleaning, frequently topless or naked. After Randy agrees to let Tawny move in, she thanks him with a late night fuck session on the couch. Randy treats Tawny to some nice oral and digital stimulation and she returns the favor with a nice BJ. Tawny and Randy bang in the usual positions, many of which offer a nice view of Tawny's expertly shaved pussy. Randy ultimately leaves a gooey spill on Tawny's foot for her to clean up.



When Randy's obsessive ex-wife, Tory Freeland, keeps pestering him, he and Tawny escape to the luxuries of Vincent Vega's estate. Vincent, an eccentric artist who paints guitars (don't ask), takes time out from his bohemian ways to bang Tory when she shows up looking for Randy. Tory, an attractive, buxom brunette engages in the usual moves with Vincent and gets a load of man yogurt on her ass for her troubles. Meanwhile, Randy engages in an outdoors suck-and-fuck with co-worker, Haley Paige, a very cute, all-natural, olive-skinned brunette, of indeterminate ethnic origin, who has also come to Vincent's house for a brief respite.



Finally, leggy Nicole Sheridan and boyfriend, the massively endowed, Voodoo, also turn up at the house (man, Vincent's house has more visitors than Disneyland) and quickly lure a sunbathing Tawny into a rollicking 3-way. Watching Tawny take Voodoo's depressingly large shlong up her hole in the doggy position is a real treat. When Randy observes the ménage-a-trois, he decides he and Tawny really aren't an item and asks her to leave. However, when Nicole and Voodoo tell her she isn't really welcome to hang with them either, Tawny comes back to Randy. As I said, this dopey "plot" leaves much to be desired (then again, which adult film is worth watching simply for its story construction?)



As Vivid films go, this one is good but not great (which is still to say it is head and shoulders above most of the porn dreck being produced). The female talent have uniformly amazing bodies and are quite attractive (Tawny is undeniably hot but is a bit too stereotypically porn-looking for my taste). The action is hot and plentiful, if standard fare (i.e. no anal, toys, girl-girl, etc.), well lit and competently directed, and the sound, like virtually all porn flicks, leaves much to be desired in the usual spots. Extras include plentiful chapter stops, "position" rooms (where you can go right to your favorite action in the flick), 5 bonus scenes from other Vivid films (only 3 of which are really worth watching), movie stills, and a behind the scenes segment. For a Vivid film, I found these extras acceptable but a bit anemic compared to what I have seen on some of their other releases. All in all, THE HOUSEKEEPER, is standard, unimaginative, but serviceable fare. Fans of Tawny Roberts will give a cheer for her generous screen time but discerning viewers on the hunt for something different or, at least, the usual glut of Vivid film extras, might be disappointed.

The Housekeeper is one of a series of recent Tawny Roberts starring vehicles that should have been "instant classics" but, because of poor behind the camera work and post-production laziness, reduces the hard work of the performers to only a so/so final product.

On paper this sex vid has everything going for it: Tawny Roberts has never looked better. Tall, tan, young and cute. The rest of the cast ain't bad either: Haley Paige and Tory Freeland are the newbies--and are hot and willing. Finally, the volcanic Nicole Sheridan (and hubby Voodoo) round out the cast. On the basis of this cast alone, Vivid should be clearing space on their mantels for awards.

Not! But, let's just get to the sex.

First up is Tawny with Evan Stone...who's probably banged Tawny more than any man alive--including her ex-husband, Rick. Still Tawny and Evan have real heat, and after getting a long dose of pussy-licking, Tawny settles into some serious fucking, including several positions, which her favorite (in this vid) being reverse cowgirl.
Like the entire production, this scene suffers from poor editing--some of the action should have been cut, to build up the heat; and the position changes are "choppy" at best--destroying any possibility of sexual heat for the viewer.

Next, Tawny takes on veteran stud Randy Spears--who is a walking ad for going to the gym everyday. Randy is forty-something, yet he's in better condition than most 25-year-old guys that I know! And, because of his astonishing physical condition, what could have been awkward instead looks great, body-wise. Again the problem is with the choice of postions and camera angles, which are so poor that they distract from what was probably excellent sexual performances by Tawny and Randy.

All of the "lost opportunities" come to a head in what should have been an award-winning scene: the three-way. First of all, any woman who's willing to do a three-way that includes Nicole Sheridan is pretty brave: Nicole can out-fuck any woman in the industry! So to share a three-way with her almost guarantees that the other woman will look bad. Yet Tawny's willing, and is so sexy to look at and energetic that she manages to hold the viewer's attention/eye sight, even with Nicole in the scene.

The problem is the scene is poorly concieved--there should have been more interaction between Nicole and Tawny (both of whom have done good lesbo and three-ways before), as opposed to just shots of the girls taking turns working over Voodoo. Which is good, but could have been so much better: the scene is more like two one-on-one scenes, instead of "group" sex, with everyone satisfying each other.

Haley and Tory's single scenes are straight forward and sexy--and they were good enough to make me a fan of both performers for life. Still, the same average camera work--and below par editing reduces what should have been better to just really good.

The extras on this DVD are excellent, with three more Tawny scenes from other recent features; and a Behind The Scenes segment.

Bottom line: Buy this DVD because of the beauty and sexy body of Tawny Roberts and her hard sexual work in front of the camera. Even with the flaws that I point out, The Housekeeper is still better than 80% of the other porn being released.