Breakfast Club, The: A XXX Parody

Five bloggers give you perspectives on The Breakfast Club XXX.

Chase
As a child in the '80s, I experienced the culture during the most impressionable time of my mind. Let's see how this parody compares to the real deal. Well, the intro song was a bit cheesy variation on the original, but that is what a parody is. The set is good, costumes are good, but the acting is on the cringy side. The sex is great with a dream sequence, some teacher sex, a lucky guy in the locker room, and more. So it's a parody; I get that they are making fun of the original to give a porn movie some type of storyline. If you like the original movie and are hoping this entertains you, then you may not be satisfied. If you like to watch hot sex and laugh in between, then this movie is perfect for you.

Dallas
Despite its popularity, John Hughes's Breakfast Club was never an obvious choice for porn spoofery. As in the original, the movie focuses on a group of students who joke, jibe, and ultimately bond during Saturday detention. It's not easy to add sex to a chamber drama like this, but the filmmakers do so with creativity and humor. Several hookups occur in flashback, while others are shifted to differing venues in the detention hall. The most pleasing alteration is the gender flip of the supervising teacher, who morphs from Paul Gleason into Samantha Ryan. There's a lightness of spirit that is quite entertaining, and the filmmakers add some fun sight gags. (For instance, check out the zany titles of the books the students are reading as they pass the time.) The sex is enlivened by the bright, sexy wattage of the stars themselves, particularly Andy San Dimas in the Ally Sheedy role.

Jackie Daytona
I think I speak for everyone out there when I say we, as a society, have always wanted to dig deep and wide inside 1980s Molly Ringwald. The Breakfast Club: A XXX Parody is as close as we're gonna get. A validation of our inner-most school-based fantasies, and our childhood desire to fully immerse into a fictional world. These teens in (college) detention are so frustrated, the air so is thick, why can't they just have sex? It's the same question we all asked as teens. Here we get that sweet release. All the (college) sexual desperation without any of the arbitrary social lines: the hot jock rams the emo girl and she wants even more. The flannel-wearing stoner fucks the shit out of the popular girl in pink and she feels the holy orgasmic grace that's been escaping her repressed popular existence. Nothing says "back to school" like an experimental teen orgy!

Madison
We love porn parodies around here and since September brings about back to school it seems like a perfect time to review The Breakfast Club: A XXX Parody! The Breakfast Club happens to be one of my favorite movies ? there's nothing quite like the vibe of the '80s so I was excited to review the porn parody. One major change in this parody is instead of a high school setting, we are focused on detention at a college ? for legal reasons, obviously! The actors and costumes nicely portray the original characters of the movie ? Faye Reagan and Chad Alva play their characters perfectly! While there are some cheesy lines and acting, I can look past that, as the sex is definitely hot and each scene brings something different to the table. Get ready for a sexy and steamy Saturday detention!

Susan
Summer is over and schools are back in session, but here at Adult Empire we're throwing it back to the '80s with this rad parody of The Breakfast Club. The film has become a cult favorite so why not put a sexy spin on this high school drama? To make things a little more age appropriate, these angsty teens are in college, but even they seem to be confused about having detention while in college. After watching this title, I feel like they did a great job sticking to the original story line while managing to include 5 sexy scenes. I was highly amused with the first scene with Brian telling his story about hooking up with the Niagara Falls tour guide while spending most of it trying to place her accent, which was a different touch. I must admit I was a little surprised that they didn't try to add a scene where all of the main characters (the five students) hooked up with each other.

So I'm just barely a bit too young to really have related to the angst in this flick when it originally was released, but I guess it's generally in my generation. Above all else, despite the fact I don't find too much to be sexual about this flick, I do hope that, like all John Hughes films, this one freezes and then fades to black in the end. Maybe. Fingers crossed. Or whatever.

They try for the same stereotypes as the original film, with varied success. I was really bummed the one guy that was in charge of detention wasn't here, though. That was really a good part of that film, and if we can't have that, why on earth do we have this woman instead? Meh.

A bit of good funny to start as the Anthony Michael Hall character points out that since they're all adults and this is college, there shouldn't be any detention. That was kind of nicely done, really.

Andy San Dimas handles her character perfectly, and maybe Faye Reagan is a bit of a stereotype for hers. The line delivery is just completely off, though, and the plot gets hung up rather quickly. In a way where the characters they're portraying are no longer parodies.

Syren Sexton is rather brilliant in her role as the dork's sex partner. More than anything, though, I'd just like to sit and listen to her talk all day. Maybe if I could have her and Kimberly Kane over for conversation. Right. Just conversation.

Sorry that I'm kind of reaching here, but I don't much know what to say with Simple Minds stuck in my head.

Syren fills her mouth for a bit with cock, which is both good and bad. At least she doesn't try to combine the two and talk with her mouth full. A good variety of positions, even though it's a bedroom scene, and Syren takes a nice shot to her very nice tits in the end. A fun one, for sure, and better shot than a lot of scenes I've seen lately from a technical standpoint.

Full points for the Who's the Boss lunchbox later in the scene.

Samantha Ryan decides to, while playing the dean of the college (the hell?), pleasure the problem student. My head is really starting to hurt. It's fairly conventional desk sex all the way around, and Samantha takes a fairly decent mouth shot in the end. Still not really sure how this is punishment or anything, though, unless her pelvis is really sharp and the cowgirl sequence was supposed to be corporal punishment.

Good on the jock stereotype for managing to get Breanne Benson, Brook Van Buren and Tessa Taylor all at the same time. Score! The scene is a locker room sequence, so the positions aren't the greatest. I think this tells us, more than anything, that we need to do more with locker room architecture to make them more ergonomically satisfying. Clearly. Not a bad facial pop shot in the end, though it never quite goes well when you try to spread it around to three ladies. There just wasn't enough to go around from a visual standpoint.

Here's the Andy San Dimas scene. She takes the jock, too, though she's really quite with the blowjob. Almost makes me a bit raw. Still, talent there. Ass cheek shot in the end.

Then it's the bad boy and Faye Reagan together. A tight shot, this one, with lots of close-ups and the like. If they could have done just a bit more to zoom out, that would have made quite the difference. I just felt like I could never quite take all of the action in.

I was glad they did the earring sequence in the end. That was kind of cool, a good way to make continuity with the original. And that it was a pearl earring in exchange for a pearl necklace. That was nicely thought out.

And yes, they did do the freeze and fade to black.

I wish I knew what to say here. I am laughing a bit, but there wasn't much in the way of arousal here. Perhaps the party version on the second disc will be a good way to get a laugh when you have a group of reasonably open-minded people together.

Freeze. Fade. 80's synth pop.

This parody is absolute gold, I laughed so hard I came.