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Not Really...Dukes Of Hazzard

Vouyer Media | 2009

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Based on 1 Review.

Starring:  Alexis Texas  Anthony Rosano 

Starring:  Ryder Skye  Dane Cross 

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Starring:  Monique Alexander  Mark Wood 

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Starring:  Shawna Lenee  Bill Bailey 

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Starring:  Ryder Skye  Jack Lawrence 

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Member Reviews

Driving Miss Daisy Duke

By Diesel
NOT REALLY...THE DUKES OF HAZARD is yet another adult parody of an old TV show, in which Director Anton Slayer employs the same tried and true approach seen in so many of these types of productions: A mindless but harmless comedy is plucked from the annals of boob-tube nostalgia. The often dated production design is slavishly copied, and the unusually quaint characters are closely mimicked by similar looking actors (or not) before being thrust into sexual situations which are clearly the product of a modern era. The whole thing is packaged up in a stylish and colorful boxcover which boldly appropriates the copyrighted title, but with a clear notation that it's all in the name of fun and satire, and therefore protected under laws of "fair use." Customers immediately recognize the subject-matter, and out of sheer curiosity and utter horniness, pick up the title to get a few laughs and some sexual release.

Nowadays, it seems as though every major studio is jumping on the satirical bandwagon by spitting out an x-rated version of any once-popular television series. The overall results have ranged from the enjoyably successful (GET SMARTASS, SCRUBS: A XXX PARODY) to the moderately inspired (EVERYBODY LOVES LUCY) to the downright terrible. However, I've been told by a major studio publicist that parodies are among the bestselling titles in their diverse and award-winning porn arsenal, and that this is undoubtedly due to their novelty appeal to Generation XXX-ers. Though the suck and fuck scenes have a near universal attraction (even the most clumsily photographed blowjob can create arousal), the videos themselves are probably best appreciated by those old enough to recall such pop culture junk, especially if it's a product of the seventies and eighties.

Still, there are only so many parodies, satires, send-offs and tributes an adult feature filmmaker can make, before the whole process becomes yet another tired cliche. It's therefore no surprise that so many of these "XXX" parodies fall short, and remind viewers once again that when it comes to cinematic achievement, the overwhelming majority of adult features fail to match even lowliest and most banal standards of a crappy TV series. For every enjoyable effort like THIS AIN'T STAR TREK XXX, fans are also to endure a THIS AIN'T HELL'S KITCHEN.

Based on a forgotten movie of the mid-seventies, and made more popular by Burt Reynold's SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT films (which itself drew their trashy inspiration from a few Roger Corman flicks of the early seventies), the original DUKES OF HAZZARD earned high Nielsen ratings thanks to its likeable cast of characters (good-natured outlaws and brothers Bo and Luke Duke); recognizably cool car (an orange Dodge Charger known as the General Lee); incredibly hot co-star (Catherine Bach, whose legs and ass gave the term "Daisy Dukes" a life of its own); bumbling villains (a corrupt politician known as Boss Hogg); and supporting characters (a bumbling Deputy known as Cletus, and a relative referred to as Uncle Jesse); along with narration by country crooner Waylon Jennings, who also sang the catchy title song. Today's audiences are probably more familiar with the lackluster but money-making mainstream film starring Jessica Simpson, but those who grew up in cable-less households are probably best acquainted with the prime-time series.

Either way, audiences need not be too familiar with the show to enjoy NOT REALLY THE DUKES OF HAZZARD. (Based on the Cast Interviews, it appears that most of the actresses weren't exactly die-hard fans, either.) The cast includes Bill Bailey, who plays Bo, Anthony Rosano as Luke, and Ryder Skye as Daisy. The rest of the actors and actresses do their best to fake a Hillbilly accent, and Allen Moffat stands out in the comedic role of Boss Hogg. None of the adult performers resemble their mainstream counterparts, but their characters are simple enough that personality may suffice over appearance.

However, the role of Daisy Duke is a clear exception, as Ryder Skye is disappointingly miscast in terms of appearance and demeanor. The petite performer is definitely cute and clearly charming, but her short, stocky and heavily tattooed figure as well as her exotic looks (she's apparently part Asian) do not fulfill what one might reasonably expect from a porn version of Catherine Bach. After all, seeing Daisy naked and getting porked is a long-awaited, wet-dream wish for most DUKES fans. But instead of recalling Daisy's innocent sexiness, Miss Skye simply looks like an anonymous stripper from Los Angeles (not that there's anything wrong with that in the least bit) and she's as far removed from a Southern Belle as one can get. A leggy, girl-next-door type like Tori Black would definitely have made the character more appealing, especially since she appears in two of five hardcore scenes. First, she seduces Deputy Enos played by Dane Cross, after he pulls her over for speeding. They do it on the side of a road and on her vehicle. Then at the end of the movie, Daisy lures the Sheriff (played rather flatly Jack Lawrence) outside and into a fuck and suck session on his police car. It's another "just okay" scene, made all the more uneventful when Mr. Lawrence simply splooges on her tits.

It goes without saying that what makes or breaks this film is the quality of the sex, and thanks to the considerable talents of Alexis Texas, Shawna Lenee and Monique Alexander, the viewer gets a satisfying fill of golden girl southern hospitality. The very first affair featuring a bouncy and bubbly Alexis Texas making whoopee with Anthony Rosano (as Luke) is playful and fun, despite the rather conventional coupling which is basically some foreplay, mutual oral, then vaginal screwing in doggy, cowgirl and spooning position. There's no anal here, nor anywhere else in this movie, for that matter. Also, the money misses her mouth by a country mile and instead lands straight on that famous ass of hers (only Ryder Skye and Miss Alexander take oral cumshots in separate scenes).

However, Miss Texas is such an exceptional performer, that she makes even the most uninspired shtupping seem special. The same compliments must be paid to Ms. Alexander who gets it on with Mark Wood in a hot scene which includes some salad tossing by Mr. Wood on Monique, and a few pussy to mouth shots which eventually culminate in a oral cumshot. Shawna Lenee's tryst with Bill Bailey follows the same general pattern as Alexis's work, but the results are still arousing. Another sex scene or two would definitely have added value to this picture, but I suspect that any additional carnal shenanigans in Hazzard County are being saved for the inevitable sequel. If it weren't for the talents of the three blondes, DUKES would have earned a strictly "average" rating.

As for the non-sex scenes, this video delivers action much better than one might expect. Back in the early eighties, I watched no more than three or four episodes of the original DUKES, so I never quite understood its immense popularity. Much of the show's appeal seems to have rested with all the fast driving and stunt work: The Duke boys would hop into the General Lee, and speed away on some dusty country road while being pursued by law enforcement. Then, the car would make some kind of slow-motion jump in the air before going to commercial break (usually for Farrah Fawcett brand shampoo). Well, due to the budgetary limitations, HAZZARD can't possibly be expected resemble THE FAST AND FURIOUS, yet I was surprised to see that the car chases (performed within local speed limits and safely, I presume) weren't too badly done. Watching the Behind The Scenes featurette made me appreciate how difficult it is to coordinate a simple chase scene without the benefit of Hollywood stuntmen and professional drivers. Also, though shot somewhere in Malibu, the rural environment and barnyard settings convinced me that we were somewhere south of the Mason-Dixon Line. Overall, the movie makes good use of location shooting and accurate costuming.

Still, this NOT REALLY...DUKES OF HAZZARD is far from perfect, and viewers have to endure a lot of stilted dialogue whenever the girls aren't getting down and dirty. Moreover, there are some huge continuity errors (a climactic scene involving a wet t-shirt contest and Daisy Duke's seduction of the Sheriff takes place at night as well as during the day, depending on how brightly the sun shines through the windows in any particular shot) along with some inconsistent acting all around. However, all this cheesiness just adds to the fun, and stays true (however unintentionally) to the conventions of your typical comedy-based porn feature.

Finally, I must take issue with the watermark which runs throughout the movie. A transparent logo reading "Voyeur Media" fades in and out on the bottom right hand side of the screen every twenty seconds or so. It isn't god-awful, but it is distracting and unwanted, and I wish the studio would find some other way to combat piracy other than using this device. (It would have been far more clever to see the watermark adapted into a transparent shape resembling the CBS eye logo, for example.)

In the past few months, I've been rather spoiled by some of the more grandiose and exhaustive bonus features accompanying flicks like 2040 and THE 8TH Day. So what we get from DUKES isn't quite as impressive, but it's well-produced and highly watchable. Disc One is made up of the movie itself, as well as a thirty minute version which cuts out all the hardcore scenes. Disc Two contains a fairly engrossing Behind The Scenes feature, a fun bloopers reel which runs for nearly six and a half minutes, a well-edited cast interviews section, and a few watermarked bonus scenes from other Vouyer Media productions featuring the female cast of DUKES.

I enjoyed NOT REALLY...DUKES OF HAZZARD, moreso than I ever did of the original series. As far as porn parodies go, it's definitely one of the better ones out there. But after the novelty has worn out its welcome, it's questionable whether the five simple sex scenes are enough to sustain summer repeats.

Product Information

Synopsis:

Welcome to a hardcore parody of one of the most iconic TV shows from the 70's and 80's. Join Bo, Luke, Daisy, Uncle Jesse, Rosco and even Boss Hogg in this char chasin, moonshine runnin, sex filled rop through the good old country.

Hazzard Country will never by the same!

Running Time:
2 hrs. 13 mins.
Release Year:
2009
Released:
Feb 23 2010
Starring:
Alexis Texas, Monique Alexander, Ryder Skye, Shawna Lenee, Anthony Rosano, Bill Bailey, Dane Cross, Jack Lawrence, Mark Wood