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This Ain't Jaws XXX (2D Version)

Hustler | 2012

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Based on 1 Review.

Starring:  Lily LaBeau 

Starring:  Phoenix Marie  Rocco Reed 

Starring:  Alexis Ford  Jayden Cole 

Starring:  Darcy Tyler  

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Starring:  Alexis Ford  Evan Stone 

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Member Reviews

Deep Throat

By Diesel
Other than for title recognition alone, I wasn't not quite sure how a pornographic satire on JAWS, the tremendously popular film of 1975 which defined the term "blockbuster," would lend itself to any particular sexual appeal. Marine biology and and guts aren't exactly an ideal concept for mainstream sucking and fucking, and the hunt for a great white shark doesn't seem to inspire the sexiest of situations. (Perhaps the filmmakers would invoke a pun about how a certain character " with the fishes" but of course, that line of dialogue comes from an entirely different classic movie of the seventies.)

As it turns out, the end result confirms my doubts: THIS AIN'T JAWS XXX is an amusing, but not exactly compelling parody in where the hardcore material is almost completely tangential to the storyline. The majority of the girl-guy (and a single girl-girl) scenes have nothing to do with the plot, and generally occur without sufficient build-up or tension. The only pairing which makes sense involves the original movie's first onscreen victim: namely, the teenage girl who eventually gets eaten out (pun intended) after taking a swim in the ocean during a beach party. Sexy blonde Lily LaBeau and Danny Wild frolic on the shore, then retreat to what appears to be a studio-bound setting where they do the ol' in-and-out. After receiving her partner's load on her crotch, "Teen Female #1" heads out to the ocean for some more wetness (in what appears to be an everyday swimming pool), and quickly becomes bait for the overgrown fish. (Those who can't cope with sight of or graphic mutilations will be relieved to know that the violence is as clean and harmless as a quality piece of sushi.)

Since the main characters in JAWS are all male, the obvious and necessary employment of extra female talent is a bit awkward. I have no problem accepting Alexis Ford in the Richard Dreyfuss role as Dr. Hooper, but having Darcy Tyler play the Mayor so that she and Miss Ford can share some professional time is merely convenient way to broaden the carnal opportunities. Likewise, casting Phoenix Marie as "Teen Female #2" is equally superfluous, yet I very much appreciated her physical tryst with Rocco Reed (playing a generic lifeguard).

Other pairings among the main characters help maintain the hardcore status quo, but lack dramatic chemistry. In WKRP IN CINCINNATI: A XXX PARODY, the viewers took some perverse delight in watching the Jennifer Marlowe and Bailey Quarters characters finally getting naked and nasty onscreen. But I doubt there was any fantasy fulfillment among JAWS fans in seeing a fuck and suck between Chief Brody (played by Dale Dabone) and his long-suffering wife, Ellen. Thankfully, Jayden Cole is easy on the eyes as Mrs. Brody, and what she lacks in acting chops (her line deliveries sound like a rehearsal-less first take) is more than made up by her oral skills.

Predictably, Evan Stone hams it up nicely as Quint, chewing up more of the cheesy scenery than the actual shark chews up people. However, Dale Dabone, whose mellow attitude was perfect as Bruce Wayne in BATMAN XXX: A PORN PARODY, seems a bit too flat and emotionless as Brody.

The special effects are serviceable and reflect their lower budget status. Some green-screen background effects involving Quint's pint-size ship are just okay, but the quick cut views of the actual computer generated shark don't even come close to surpassing those godawful, direct-to-video SHARK ATTACK sequels. I find it hard to believe that a few thousand bucks couldn't have been spent on creating a more believable title character, and I certainly doubt that the shark's limited appearance was meant to imitate Spielberg's original approach.

The high definition videgraphy is clean and colorful, and the soundtrack makes surprisingly thoughtful appropriation of John Williams's classic score. Even though this movie is a joint venture between Hustler and Adam & Eve studios, the DVD production is somewhat lacking. Other than a 26-minute Behind The Scenes featurette and a slideshow, all the other bonuses are simple studio promotions unrelated to the subject-matter. For such an ambitious undertaking, I expect a little more goodies in my cinematic parodies.

This two-disc set includes a 3D version of the movie, along with two pairs of cardboard and cellophane glasses. As for the 3D effects, I prefer watching my porn without any assistive devices so the addition of a little depth during certain scenes isn't enough for me to change my viewing habits. Close-ups and mediums shots of naked bodies are better suited to 3D, since all the distracting artifacts of backgrounds and surrounding objects aren't as pronounced. However, the use of red-cyan anaglyph processing is certainly inferior to that of modern 3D techniques, and I found that unless you enjoy blurry body and frequent ghosting, you're better off watching the movie au naturel.

Overall, THIS AIN'T JAWS XXX isn't a blockbuster by any means, but there it packs enough of a hardcore bite to satisfy your average porn fan. Though no single sex scene stands-out as anything spectacular, there are certainly repeatable including the Tyler/Ford lesbian scene, and whenever dependable performers like Miss LaBeau and Miss Marie strut their stuff. In the end, THIS AIN'T JAWS XXX remains a must-have for fans of the movie, and worth a place in your porn parody collection.

Product Information

2D Version only

Running Time:
1 hrs. 40 mins.
Release Year:
2012
Released:
Jan 31 2012
Starring:
Alexis Ford, Darcy Tyler , Jayden Cole, Lily LaBeau, Phoenix Marie, Dale DaBone, Danny Wylde, Evan Stone, Rocco Reed