Lisa Ann Fantasy Girl

In the interest of full disclosure, I should say right up front that I'm not really a fan of Lisa Ann. That doesn't mean I actively dislike her, but her look has never really been my cup of tea, as she just seems to be a bit too over-done, especially with the lip collagen (I'm assuming), and there's been something about her attitude - on camera and behind the scenes - that has been off-putting to me. I can't put my finger on it, but for her hardcore fans out there, I felt I should say this up front, so you can adjust my review as necessary. A complaint right off the bat is that the chapter menu here is rather poorly done. They say so much on the box cover about this being a fantasy sequence, and yet they only have Lisa and her co-star listed for each scene.

Seems dumb. Steve Holmes is then getting head from some guy while looking at the LiveGonzo.com website. Dumb bit and bad product placement all in one! Then Lisa comes over and they're on a rather odd couch. It may be the deepest couch I've ever seen, and I don't mean in the transcendentalist literature sense. Then there's a scene between these two veterans of the blue cinema. And they do pretty much what you would expect. I think this is supposed to be the "Sara Paillin" bit, but I don't have the sound up. Not an anal one, this scene, and honestly, I didn't much care for the camera choices. It didn't show much patience. Antsy, awkward, too low too often, and otherwise just harder to watch than it should be. Now we have the race car scene, which appears to just involve tight, bright clothing with checkers on it in someone's garage, and that same massively impatient camera pan and zoom. And that's not even a race car. This scene is with Prince Yeshua, who seems to be more interested in making scenes about himself these days.

Too much in the fore, the same way Ben English used to be before he toned it down. And then we're naked and indoors. How exactly is this a racer fantasy? False advertising, that. Meh. I didn't like this scene on any metric. Now it's time for the nurse fantasy with Manuel Ferrera, which again seems to involve vaguely dressing like a nurse at someone's house, and again with terrible camera work on the tease sequence. I'm not meaning to be so negative, but this is horribly captured. Lisa Ann's fans might be a bit irritated that they can't just watch her without constantly changing angles, pans, and zooms. And why is a nurse doing a naughty tease inside the house? This has about as much intelligence for the fantasy girl thing as your average fraternity house Halloween party. Shouldn't there be a patient, too, if we're going for the nurse deal? Ugh. I am so not turned on right now, and that's hard to do to me. Awful. Eventually we come across Manuel in his Barcelona shirt. I guess I can talk about the architecture a bit, which is quite lovely, though I imagine this whole place has to be cleaned for fingerprints very frequently considering all of the glass and shiny surfaces. A surprisingly vanilla scene, on a white bed to boot. Then there's a teacher theme, but this involves Mr. Pete playing basketball in a mansion, and Lisa Ann as the teacher that shows up for, well, no discernible reason. I'm also pretty sure we're on the same couch from the first scene. I'm done. I guess this was a good idea, but there seemed to be far too much of just going through the motions here. The camera work was simply too amped up, too impatient, the settings are too implausible, and the different fantasies are nothing but a cheap veneer. There isn't anything worth talking about in the extras, and ultimately, I feel like the product being offered here is a bad advertisement for the website in question. Everyone involved with Lisa Ann Fantasy Girl should be looking at themselves in the mirror and deciding whether or not they want to be excellent. Because this isn't it.