Massive Facials 5

You know, this is one of the best jobs in the world. Aside from the pay and all of that. And the occasional studio that sends me a tranny film to review - sorry, not my thing. It's like I don't know how to comment on those. But asking a writer to write 700 words about a porn film? No problem! I love the adult world, even though I feel like there's a great deal of growing up we need to do to protect ourselves from those who would attack us legally and socially. It's a pleasure to do this.

But then I get a film where writing a review is really very difficult. Massive Facials, as a series, is tough. I mean, it's simply a collection of teases, blowbangs, and then facials. Most people, in a blowbang, are waiting for the big money shot, and that makes it tough to package a film around, say, five scenes. It makes it even harder to write about.

I mean, what winds up happening is taking an entire paragraph, say this one, and filling it with enough fluff to make an entire review. This is just like doing enough interviewing and foreplay for the scene before the money shot to make it an actual disc. That doesn't mean the product itself isn't valuable (right, editor?), but it does mean that getting to the part you really want is a bit more of a hunt.

Let's take my two favourite scenes here and have a closer look at them. And then see how much more space I have to fill. Remy LaCroix is up first, and I like that she's a bit lighter on the makeup in this scene. She's doing the usual interview bit with Sam, and then she's down getting groped by five guys. There's always something vaguely assault-like in the way this is handled, and the behaviour of the guys always strikes me as nothing other than weird. Typical blowbang stuff, then, with one guy getting sucked, one or two others getting stroked, and two more trying to keep themselves occupied. Lighting is usually a challenge in these scenes, as the female is usually all but covered. There was a bit where a guy was straddling over Remy's face getting his nuts licked, and I was thinking we might get a bit of a rimming sequence, but not so much. A shame, that. I bet she'd throw herself into that, too. It's an amazing facial sequence here, watching that cute freckled face get just covered. Good stuff, though there's something odd about the majority of the footage that makes everyone seem like they're holding back.

Jada Stevens gets the final scene on the disc, and here, ladies and gentlemen, is a true performer. She's confident, she knows what she's doing, and she knows just how to do everything for the camera. Jada gets more than five guys for her scene... it looks like there must be ten or so there. Many of them again looking rather odd. Jada sure doesn't seem to care, and she gets right to work. A fair amount of throat fucking going on, and checking out Jada's body would be easier if so many of the guys weren't being so gropy at all times. Not much longer and Jada is getting completely covered. Oh, that's some good stuff. This film is certainly a keeper.

We do get a bonus scene with this disc as well, which is even more awesome. And who is it? Why it's... erm... who the hell is that? Sorry, I can't immediately tell... someone from another incarnation of this series. A frankly amazing facial, too.

I do love that in the bonus features, you can select cumshot recap. Isn't that something like half the film?

Massive Facials is admittedly one of my favourite series, and it's one that is well-positioned to be a feature in a purchase-by-the-scene model of porn in the future. You could pick out who you want to see, and I for one would gladly pay $5-$7 to see the ladies I want get involved like this. Here's hoping we can defeat the porn pirates long enough for our medium to survive.