Welcome Back, Kotter XXX: A Dreamzone Parody

I have little interest in Welcome Back, Kotter; it's a show I've never seen. That always makes reviewing a parody for such a film difficult. Add to that I have a bit of a challenge: I only seem to have the second disc. I got these in a sleeve (common for review copies), and either it fell out or wasn't there. I'm going to do my best for you, dear viewers, but this is going to be based on what is essentially the behind the scenes segment and their parody previews. First off, this is the deal with any porn parody: If you're a fan of the original show/film/comic/academic journal, you're probably going to at least partially enjoy the porn version. As someone who really isn't much versed in popular culture (really, I work in academia, I read the Guardian and Financial Times, and I don't have a television), these do almost nothing for me. I mean, they're the kind of thing where there are in jokes galore, and if you aren't picking up on those, well, the plot bits are going to detract somewhat from the sex, no? The best thing I can do is watch the behind the scenes feature and make some sense from that. First off, Allie Haze really has some hipster doufus glasses on. And a blingy smartphone. I mean, this is way too much just slightly behind the curve. Let's update the fashion.

And is that DoucheBangs we're interviewing? Anthony Rosano, that is. He's got a wig on here, so I can survive it. His haircut kills me, though. I think he's funny, but he can also be too obnoxious for my taste. Now we've got more couch bloopers. Dang. That is one seriously deep couch. I mean, that looks like it's as wide as a twin bed. Holy hell. If I were to sit back on that, I think I'd struggle to get back out. I think we're studying the script again. Oh, and there are television trays over in the corner. I remember those. Also, this is very shaky camera work. Plus, we aren't watching much of anything. I know this isn't the main plot, but sheesh. Now we're interviewing a double for David Cassidy. Quite feathered hair, that. Now we've got a white boy fro on someone else. The tattoo sleeve down his left arm is a bit hard to ignore, though. I'm impressed that they have such a large space to do the publicity photos. That's more than I've seen a lot of professional photography studios have. This seems like a good scam, by the way: shoot enough spare footage to make a second disc and then charge more. Okay, to be fair, this price isn't that much higher. And I do find the way they decorate walls on these sets to try to make something look like a school. It's just never quite right. There must be a way to improve this, right? Also, if this is a period piece, shouldn't they not have the poster explaining the security features on modern currency? I know, you want me to talk about the fucking. The truth is, I can't. There hasn't been the slightest bit of skin here yet. They're mostly focusing on people learning or screwing up their lines. I also want to see the invoice of a porn studio buying school desks. That has to entertain those manufacturers, no? Wow. Really, we're getting a whole lot of the acting portion here. This disc, at this rate, could be rated PG-13. So many jokes I don't get, too. And I'm pretty sure that one student is pushing 45. Oh, hey, there's some body parts! Rather nice, honestly. Um, can I have the first disc back? I think that's Eva Angelina, and I'd like to be watching that... A lot. Then they're working on the threeway scene. Well, that lady is rather pleasant. It would be nice if I knew the rest of the context. Or could see the rest of the scene. Ah well. Right, well, sorry that's the best I can do for you. I wish I had more to say, but without the, you know, actual film, there's only so much I can do.