Pure MILF #3

I'm at an age where I don't quite know where I fit on the porn spectrum. I'm in my 30s at this point (I can't believe I started writing these reviews 13 years ago; you must be so sick of me), and while the barely-legal-aged women hold some attraction, they also seem quite young. And they portray them as younger than the college students I teach. Intelligent is sexy, not faux innocence wrapped in a costume. But then there's the other end of the spectrum here. Pure MILF 3 (and can I say I'm amused that "Pure" is in all caps on the box cover here but "MILF" isn't?) seems to push just a bit too far the other way. Or somehow they look older than I'm looking. I date mid-20s to mid-30s these days, and none of the ladies on offer here feel, to me, like they fall in that age group. So aside from the fact that I rather want to watch Janet Mason, I'm not really too sure what much this film has in store for me. Lovely Weather Channel local forecast music with the piano on the main title screen. Seriously, I'll come by your house and say things like, "for tonight, expect mostly cloudy skies; low, 28, winds west at fifteen miles an hour." Provided you pay my airfare and buy me dinner. Anyone can do it, though. Try your own forecast over the top of this music. It's a rather soft film, this one. Reminds me of 90s contract star-type stuff, though there's a bit more hardness to it, and there's the unnecessary close-ups that have become the norm as of late. Thanks for that Eddie Powell and Robby D. It's weird watching Francesca Le be, well, normal. I'm used to watching her perform with her husband in some of the raunchier titles from Evil Angel. Fun stuff, even if Francesca does manage to take it just a bit over into the weird territory sometimes. Diana Doll doesn't appear to have much of a personality in her scene, either. And Julia Ann just isn't my type. No, I'm really here for Janet Mason and Alison Star. For the former's scene, I'm rather disappointed in how much of this is shot in such a way that we can almost see an entire midsection.
If you can imagine feature-style POV, that's kind of what's going on here. Which makes it more than a little hard to watch. I mean, I'd like to actually see what they're doing rather than getting a slight bit of penetration at the bottom of the screen and almost a nipple at the top. Alison Star has the first scene, and I feel like I spend most of this one waiting for them to turn all of the lights on and actually focus the cameras. There's something up here that makes me wonder if I'm having a stroke, because I don't feel like I can see anything. I think it's that it's a spotlight that they're under, but it doesn't quite capture the two of them in their entirety. Her head, during the least sexy foreplay bit you'll see this year, is in the shadows. And what's up with those shoes? In the 70s they would have made them clear and put goldfish in them. No, I can't say I found this terribly interesting, mostly because it's trying so hard not to be hardcore but instead passionate, and yet they have a very odd fixation on penetration. Which essentially means that the pace is turtle-slow and the lighting and camera work is kind of meh. Like they want it to somehow be mysterious. The only way they could have annoyed me more is by putting everyone in masks. I hate that so much.

So Pure MILF 3 really doesn't do much of anything other than sit there and try to be sort of soothing in a Lifetime After Hours kind of way. I could say that it had its good moments, but I might be exaggerating a bit. OranjeWife actually fell on the couch behind me while I was working on this review, and that's probably all you need to know.