Mother Exchange

You know what? I really like Kendra Lust. I'm a fan. That's a great body, and I love to look at it. Amanda Tate is nice, too, and I can deal with Julia Ann (there's nothing wrong with Julia, she's just not my type). But dang it, this film weirds me out.

I don't like to mix food and sex at all, as that's going to two different parts of my body, and if you've ever seen the British show Coupling, it's bit like what Patrick guarantees: that he's so well-endowed he doesn't have enough for both ends of his body. Shit, I just pulled an arm muscle patting myself on the back. But seriously, added to food and sex thing is combining parents and sex. I get the sort of stuff Devils does, with their having babysitters and anyone else around 18 getting fucked by a patriarch. No, this seems to be a more up-front kind of thing with Mother Exchange from Sweet Sinner (and I still have an objection to that studio title, considering what it's an extension of). First thing, by the way: maybe don't have the main title of your film in white with a white backing. Just saying. This one gets off to a ridiculously slow start. Another thing with this studio if I'm honest. They do love their stories. But I'm actually getting bored, even with some hot brunette strutting to open.

I think we actually have a bit of parents working on fucking to open. Remarkable, that. But I'm really not sure who this is supposed to be appealing to. I get that they're trying to be couples friendly, but this feels remarkably mechanical to me. Also, why did we need the long lingering shot of the plate of food the guy left behind to go fuck? If this were a crime show, that would have meant something. Bedroom scene. You know how those go. It's one of those. I hate to say it, but I got bored enough to start refilling my little pillbox thing from my work bag. It's been a week full of headaches. You know how it can be around the office, right? I actually had some training last week, so it was much more intense than usual. Normally I can zone out in the office when I need to, but having to pay attention... Crap! Right, I'm supposed to be talking about this utterly unremarkable scene. Nice legs on her, though those rather nice black pants come off without us really getting to check her out enough. Okay, I'm getting bored, and I don't know what I'm going to say. I mean, they haven't gotten to it yet, but it's going to be him down on her, her down on him, fucking in a few different positions, and probably a body shot. I swear I didn't cheat, but I got all of that right. Sigh. Every single bit. That probably says all that needs to be said about the predictable nature of this film. But I'll keep watching, I guess. I haven't reached my word quota. Now we've got more food. Another round of making breakfast. Things seem frosty all of a sudden. Huh. Mind you, I don't care enough to listen to the dialogue. Contrived porn drama is a huge turnoff for me. Oh, this is interesting: This film was printed in Canada. The box art, I assume. Also, the reporting address is the same for the significantly better HardX/EroticaX. I'm not an insider in this industry, so I don't know who owns what or whatever. Oh, now we've got two women in bikinis and ridiculous Ashley Judd hats lounging by the pool. A few open-wheel racing fans know what kind of hat I'm talking about. Then some stuff happens. I'm sorry. That's all I've got. It's just boring to me: I'm not the slightest bit aroused at the moment. I've got some hotter films lower down in my stack yet to review, so I hope you'll understand that I'm moving on. Is that cool? Really, I'm sorry. If you like your porn where they think plot is massively important and we care about painfully contrived dialogue (I'm a writer for a living, even if this isn't showing as my most shining work all the time), maybe you'll be satisfied.

Otherwise, I'd find a film that takes itself less seriously.