Beauty And The Beast XXX: An Erotic Fairy Tale Parody

At what point can we stop calling films like Beauty and the Beast parodies? I mean, I don't think any of what Exquisite Films is putting up here is copyrighted by a media conglomerate. It's an erotic fairy tale. Just call it that. Also, parodies are dead. Right, now that that's out of the way, my biggest fear going into a film that's based on a fairy tale is always about the lighting. Are they going to remember that part of the sexiness comes from us actually being able to see the action we're supposed to see? And lighting was indeed an issue in the first scene, though more because of shadows and poor camera choices than anything else. They picked a set where the camera had to basically stay in one place, and that means that they only had pans and zooms in their arsenal of tricks. With lots of shadows, it made it all somewhat boring, which is a shame considering how hard the talent was working. Then there's some plot. Quite a bit of it, honestly, before we get to the next bit of scene. Which looks like the same set
as the first one, but with different sheets and changing where the camera goes. There's even one bit where it looks like she goes in for quite the rim job, but we really can't tell. The camera never moves and eventually there's a jumpcut to some cowgirl. Eventually there's a body shot. The third scene mixes up the formula a little: starts solo, with bad lighting, the camera in one place, and yet another set of new sheets. Also, there seems to be progressively more blur on the lens for each scene. This one is in 80s PenthouseVision. don't know if that's trademarked. Then more plot. Fuck I'm bored. Then there's a grainy, poorly shot, shadowed three-girl scene. So that's a definite change of pace for us. Thankfully, however, they saved the worst for last: one camera angle, bad lighting, and some sort of obstruction in front of the camera so we can see even less well. Awesome idea! Look, this isn't very well made. It's just not. It's not funny, it's not clever, it's not sexy, and it's not technically proficient. That doesn't leave a whole hell of a lot.