Big Omar's No Holes Barred

"This all anal adventure," the back box cover for "Big Omar's British Adventures: No Holes Barred" informs us, "kicks off with Kelly, a voluptuous blonde self-proclaimed nymphomaniac....Second up is Morgan" - and so on through Afton and Zoe, "an incredible little cutie who, it turns out, sucks and fucks like a pro." Sounds good, but there's a hitch: this description is from an altogether different film. I can't explain the mix-up, but Omar would probably just laugh it off.

A black Brit with a sunny disposition, Omar doesn't look much like he takes anything about this film seriously. When a buddy tells him his calculator is really a time machine that can take him anywhere he wants to go, Omar doesn't waste any time with the technicalities. "France!" he says, and the two men are delighted when next they find themselves in a 17-century French whorehouse. That's really where the story ends, but Omar's wheels off, kid-in-a-candy-store attitude holds true throughout the film.

It doesn't always work to his advantage, and never less so than in the film's third scene, when Tony, Omar's time-twisting buddy, gets it on with Leah. Omar, you see, is hiding in the room; that is, he's hiding from blonde Leah, but constantly popping up to give Tony a thumbs-up or victoriously pump his fist. He's irrepressible, yet somebody needed to stuff him in a closet somewhere and let Tony get on with it. Not that the scene would have been much improved by his absence. Tony and Leah run through three positions in a hurry, as if they can't quite decide what it is they want to do. When they finally settle down, the sex is more consistent, but not much more exciting.

Omar's attitude works a little better in the first sex scene, probably because it hasn't yet worn thin through overexposure. Then, too, we've got not one but two young lovelies (Free and Chloe) to distract us from Omar's antics for much of the scene. Highlights include some brief but effective Free-to-Chloe cunnilingus in a chick-69 sequence during which Omar is busily screwing Free, and a doggie-style episode in which Free, in her spiked choker and little maid's outfit, looks terrific. Pacing, however, isn't one of Omar's strengths. He lets Chloe get away halfway through the scene and bogs Free down with some side-by-side fucking just when the scene should be reaching its climax. The momentum is largely lost when he turns Free on her back and ass-fucks her before cumming on her face.

Part of his trouble is editing. The opening credits display photographs from this scene and the next, a lesbian tryst with Delphine and Michelle, that didn't make it into the finished film. Chloe's departure from the opening scene is abrupt and unmotivated; a photograph from the credits indicates a stronger role for her, which might have helped smooth this transition. In the lesbian scene, which is otherwise forgettable, Delphine lubes a candle with saliva, even it into Michelle's mouth, but never actually uses it. The credits include the logical, but missing shot. If one can judge from this film alone, Omar doesn't much care for girl-on-girl action, anyway. Not content with cutting out the candle, he truncates the scene itself, cutting away before either girl cums.

He doesn't make the same mistake in the final scene. He and Tony both take on the prettiest girl in the film, a cutie named Hannah, who gives it up every which way she can, taking both guys' loads in her face before they disappear, presumably on their way back to London. It's a cramped scene, though: the room is a large one, but all the action takes place in tiny knot, with Hannah at the center. Maybe the close quarters had something to do with the following progression: Hannah blows Omar for a while then sits on his cock while kissing Tony. I wonder whether Tony got a little taste of Omar at this point. Ah, well, they're the best of friends, right?

"No Holes Barred" is cheerful, but cheerful to a fault. This is one Omar adventure that would play a lot better in the pub than on film.