Ben Dover's Royal Heinies

Ben Dover (aka Steve Perry), Britain's best cultural export since Benny Hill (or mad cow disease - take your pick), returns with a bevy of young, pasty cockney lasses getting their "virgin assholes plundered" in ROYAL HEINIES, a 2000 release from VCA Interactive. ROYAL HEINIES, filmed in true gonzo fashion, offers up four young Brits (and one Belgian chick) with complexions so pale you think they had been living in a bomb shelter for the last five years, taking the high hard one in every available hole for Queen and Country by Ben's randy pals.

Before getting down to the action with his home grown girls, Ben takes a car trip to Belgium to meet up with goateed Pascal (who looks like a suave, bleach blonde version of Screech from "Saved by the Bell") and his buddy, Kevin, who have enticed the comely daughter of a local restaurant owner to make a guest appearance. (These guys have actually convinced her that sucking and fucking on camera (right in the middle of her father's tavern, no less) will help her modeling career - thank God for stupid girls!). French-speaking Sophie, a trim, leggy, decent looking blonde, initially shies away from Ben's camera but quickly allows all the guys to digitally probe her before and stick their sausages in her mouth before getting down to business with Kevin and Pascal. The two guys trade off between Sophie's hungry mouth and gaping pussy in a number of positions before giving her a good ass ramming. After some DP action and more colon crunching all the dudes empty their man goo into Sophie's waiting mouth. Looking sufficiently dazed, the guys wipe Sophie's face and pussy with her own panties and then shove them in her mouth. Total degradation, European style. (Somehow I doubt Vogue magazine will be calling Sophie anytime soon).

Next on the menu is Susie, a squat, piggy-faced, oily-skinned barely 18-year old Brit who gets fouled by Ben and his pal, Steve. Susie orally and manually manipulates the fellows and, while Steve gets to work on her, Ben occasionally moves in close enough to get a few licks on his own stick from Susie. Susie also takes the full measure of Steve's manhood up her corn-chute before taking a mouthful of Yorkshire pudding from the two chaps. While Susie is certainly nothing much to look at, her very young appearance admittedly makes this scene vaguely intriguing (and, admittedly, somewhat disturbing).

The scenery improves when Ben moves on to a session with two young, trim, cute, blonde British chicks, Chloe and her apprehensive friend, Ruth. Pascal returns to the action to help Ben grope Chloe, while Ruth (also, just 18) looks on nervously (apparently, Ruth just showed up to watch her friend and wasn't planning on participating in the fun). As Pascal licks and fingers Chloe, a cute and shapely young girl (except for some unfortunate tattoos on her arm and a little pube trail lightly extending to her bellybutton) Ben successfully talks Ruth into more than just lending moral support to her friend. After some light pussy rubbing from Ben and masturbation, Ruth eagerly gulps Ben's pole and jumps into the fray. Pascal takes turn pounding the two young ladies in their pussies and bums (that's British for "ass," for all you Anglophiles out there) and the initially shy Ruth grabs Pascal's cock for a mouthful of jizz at the end. Chloe also helps the horny Ben finish in her mouth. While I have certainly seen better looking girls in porn (even amateur/gonzo porn such as this), this scene was particularly entertaining owing to Chloe's fun, eager attitude (and nice body) and Ben's ability to coax shy, young Ruth into all the action, including a fair amount of ass fucking. Crikey!!

Last on the menu, is sultry, redhead, Becky, who also takes turn pleasuring Ben and Pascal, again. (Man, it sure pays to be friends with Ben). Becky eagerly sucks off the guys and, once again, Pascal takes her in a number of positions while Ben attempts to stick his pole in her mouth when the opportunity allows. Once more time, Pascal gives his eager female partner a good ass pounding and the lovely Becky finishes off the two guys in her mouth.

All in all, ROYAL HEINIES is good stuff. What the girls lack in appearance they generally make up for in youth and obvious porn innocence. Ben's enthusiasm is infectious and his handheld camerawork, even when personally getting into the action whenever possible, was generally acceptable and focused, if a bit shaky. (The camera sometimes moves around so much that you get the feeling you are watching a porno version of the Zapruder Kennedy assassination film). Ben might do well to employ a second cameraman for some steadier shots and because you sometimes get the feeling that you are missing certain shots of the action or the ladies' facial expressions with just the one camera (especially when Ben moves in close for his own fun). Minimal extras include photos and some scenes from Ben's other films (watch out though, one of the girls in the extra footage has more hair under her arms and on her pussy than Gene Shalit has on his head - Gross!!!) One thing is for certain after watching ROYAL HEINIES, American girls are still the best looking girls in the world.