Agency Blue

"Agency Blue" can be summed up by its "sex act" chapter menu that allows you to access specific boffing: every scene is oral, straight, cumshot. No deviation from formula, and little to push the boundaries of kink in terms of pure fucking. What that leaves is the, ahem, "story" and the quality of the stars. Nikita Denise is plastered on the front cover, and if you've read any other reviews of mine, you probably know that I love this girl. Her looks, her body, her insatiable no-holes-barred energy, and even her gravelly voice all turn me on. So it's a plus that she's around. Couple that with some other decent performers and some genuinely funny moments, and you have a couples-friendly movie that has its strengths cancelled out by its weaknesses, leaving you with a perfectly average fuck flick.

"Agency" is kind of like a porno combination of "Day for Night" and "Get Shorty": director James DiGiorgio plays a porn director trying to make a fuck flick when the talent agency gets taken over by some mobsters. Nobody gets whacked (although folks do whack off), and it's all in spoof and fun and games. There are some decent gags here and there, but even at 90 minutes sometimes it feels like all the tomfoolery takes too long to get to the fucking, and when you get to it, it's really not that hot anyway.

Things start with James going out to the beach with a small crew to shoot a scene. Starlet Monique De Moan is throwing a tantrum over the lack of niceties and a make-up person, and James is bitching about stars and power-trips. Just like real porno movie-making don'tcha know! Rod Fontana shows up to provide the dick, and James tells his actors the ridiculous "motivation" behind the scene: they're at the beach, it's erotic/romantic, they fuck. And so they do the scene, and it's as banal as it sounds - highly unusual considering that Monique De Moan can be an electrifying slut and Rod Fontana's one of the kinkiest, depraved cocksmen out there. They do some missionary, reverse cowgirl and doggy before Rod drips some clear spoo on her buttcheeks.

Meanwhile, Johnny Sharp, Jr., East Coast mob man, hustles talent agent Jim South out of his gig as an X-rated actress rep. Sharp's men then call the shots as to who appears in the movies, and two gals from his stable - Nikita Denise and Kimi Lixx - try to make their way to the set, but have a car breakdown. They try to walk there and get lost, so what do they do? Go lez, of course. Nikita and Kimi do some dildoing and pussy eating that ends up being pretty low key. Disappointing, for a Nikita Denise worshipper like me.

Herschel Savage and a fellow member of The Family then drive up to the set and find Nikita and Wanda Curtis there. Herschel wants to shake down money from DiGiorgio, but the savvy director placates the muscleman by casting him in the movie. He does his scene with Nikita and Wanda, and it's the best one in the flick, even if it's oral, straight, cumshot. Nikita hungrily deep throats his stiffness while Wanda follows suit by spitting on the shaft before huffing it. This scene actually has a gag that's pretty funny too: Wanda spanks Herschel a few times, but the insecure guy keeps threatening her not to hit him, so she ends up having to spank her own ass to get off. After some pussy eating, standing rear pussy penetration, and doggy fucking, Herschel cums on both tongues and Nikita dependably sucks his cock clean. That's more like it.

Back at the agency, Johnny Sharp wants DiGiorgio to couple Herschel with dirty blond Cherie. She balks: "How do I know his dick doesn't smell?" But the director caves in, and soon Herschel and Cherie are fucking by a rancid swimming pool. This scene's also pretty funny with Cherie washing Herschel's dick with water and Herschel trying to make orgasm faces for the camera, and the standard cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, doggy sexing is adequate too. Herschel's love juice is particularly copious when it blasts Cherie's chin and drips to her chest.

The last scene is DiGiorgio's smartassed in-joke to pornos: it's the "obligatory sex scene" that has nothing to do with the actual film/plot. Busty tattooed slut Salena Del Ray humps Trevor outside. Aside of Herschel constantly butting in, asking if he should join in, there's nothing going on here, just standard cocksucking and pussy pumping. The cumshot on the chin is okay, but not as nice as the one on Cherie.

All in all, "Agency Blue" isn't a total waste, but often its sex is too standard to balance out the slow moments of "plot" or "exposition," and it's not consistently funny enough to be a laugh riot either. Some stars are able to kick up some heat, but not all of them. The DVD is saddled with some decent extras though: a photo gallery, bios (with smart-assed descriptions and hard-to-read dark blue text) for all the females in the film, a 17-minute behind-the-scenes featurette that really doesn't amount to anything other than watching some people goof off on set, a web link for DVD-ROMs, and a bevy of phone sex ads (thankfully relegated to a menu choice and not slapped on before the movie).