Member Reviews
"Forgive me, Father, for I have reviewed GALLERY OF SINS..."
Even with superior performers like Tera Patrick and Inari Vachs, Jerome Tanner's GALLERY OF SIN fails to rise above the average blue movie. While no one can suck on the male member with more gusto than blonde lovely Vachs, and no one looks as good gyrating on a hard-on as the breathtaking Ms. Patrick, these two quintessential porn babes can't really save this video from the purgatory of mediocrity. Part of the reason is that the whole movie was shot with this gauzy, soft-focus look that made me think that my television set was out of focus, or that I was watching a VHS tape. Also, with a standard five straight scenes and no girl-girl action and only a single threesome, it's easy to tell that not much creativity (other than some costume designs) went into GALLERY OF SIN.
A golden-haired Rayvenness (shouldn't she call herself "Blondeness" now?) narrates the movie with Nick East. They play artsy-fartsy types who are commissioned to explore the dark and macabre, but their overall creations make this movie seem more like a Halloween special than a tale of the occult. Inari Vachs and Mike Horner play a couple of pseudo-vampires who know just how to get each other's flowing. Inari can make the dead rise with her naturally perfect body and droolingly wet blowjobs, but she cums and goes much too quickly in this film once their scene ends. Enthusiastic hardbody Lola joins a comparatively more reserved Nina for a threesome which looks like an outtake from an uninspired Dark Bros movie. While surrounding women bump and grind in cages, porn stud Dave Hardman assumes the role of the devil and uses his pitchfork to take a poke at each lady. While this vignette might have been amusing, there is just too much murky camerawork to enjoy the hellish festivities, despite the fact that both girls get a healthy splash of man goo all over their chest and face.
Tera Patrick unsurprisingly scores the best scene in the movie, engaging in a full body contact sport with Nacho (what a name!). No need for me to comment on Tera's obvious sex appeal and exotic beauty, other than she looks great here and almost makes this DVD worth keeping just to see her in action (again). However, the truth is, Tera has appeared in far better (though not necessarily great) videos than this one, including CARRIBEAN UNDERCOVER, MY PLAYTHING WITH TERA PATRICK and AROUSED, that I would choose any of those movies before picking up this one. Blonde beauty Nina returns for a more engaging romp with Todd Alexander, and the Regis and Kathie Lee of this title (Nick and Rayveness, for those who don't remember because they didn't care) return for a closing suck and fuck which is pretty much standard fare.
Legend offers us an above-average selection of extras, including a few minutes of behind the scenes footage that has become unimaginatively standard for their DVDs. Biographies are short and incomplete, but at least the insulting captions subtitled under each actress's pictures are kept to a minimum. Truthfully, I would expect a little more from Legend since their features seldomly give the viewer more than five scenes, but I guess that's why I enjoy VCA and Private Video products the most.
Get this disc for Tera and Inari only.
Gallery of Sin: why does everything that feels good, have to be so bad?
I was reminded in a strange way of The Seven Deadly Sins from Vivid; same kind of weird lighting and scenarios, that you get the idea that there is some kind of artsy statement going on. Regardless of that, though, the sex was pretty intense and along with some ass slapping and dirty talk, made for a quality flick.
We begin with talk, unfortunately. Apparently, two body painters/erotic artists who despise each other were commissioned to make a living art piece, a "gallery of sin," hence the title. We begin with Sadie Jordan [Tera Patrick] and some guy masquerading as Dracula inside the gallery of sin. He does some fake biting on her neck, and then strips her down, licking her large teats all the way. With no hesitation, she gets the dick easily into her mouth and tries that instead of his neck to get some . Soon after, he props her on the couch and saws her from behind while she makes some sort of cat mewling noise. Then they roll over so he can hammer it from the side, showing off his intense concentration on keeping it deep inside her snatch. For the finale he props one leg over his shoulder as he gives her some serious pneumatic pump action, slamming it in and out with the velocity of an oil derrick before he blows his Texas gold all over her stomach.
In the next scene, Nina and Lola as the of good and evil, with the devil tempting Nina to be bad and lick Lola's snatch. Of course she gives in; to quote Spaceballs "evil will always win because good is dumb." After she is stripped down by the devil, Lola goes down on her while Nina sucks a clear dildo which is attached to the devil's pitchfork- yeah, I know, it's weird, but it gets worse. The devil than thrusts the pitchfork/dildo into Nina's love hole as Lola crouches over her face while Nina flicks her tongue in and out of Lola's tuna factory. Tiring of the pitchfork, it is cast aside to the naked cage dancers in the background who vainly attempt to grope the girls from their stationary cages, as Lola goes down on the devil while Nina continues to lick the evil out of her. Deciding to be as bad as she can, Nina hops on the devil and rides his cock like a bucking bronco while Lola uses the other two dildos that just seem to be lying there; she shoves one inside and jerks off the other one- what was she expecting, a liquid latex bust in her face? Anyway, they soon switch, and Lola gets the devil's lovin' from behind while one of the cage demons uses the pitchfork dildo on Nina again as she watches from the sidelines. In the climax, they give the devil a double blowjob and take the full of the Dark Prince in their faces.
Meanwhile, in a dressing room Kiki and her man are getting it on. She goes down first, then gets the favor returned as she stands and looks down. They move to the couch where he throws it up in her missionary, then from behind as she bends gracefully over the couch for the whole beef injection. The best part was after she climbs on and then he puts her down again and holds onto the couch to get the full thrust that he could. Man, it was great, he was making these faces and actually pulling into her using the couch, all the while slapping her ass and talking shit. It was a disappointing climax, though, as he just spews on her ass- not much velocity there.
The next scene freaked me out. So Inari Vachs is in his carnival tent with a clown and they start to get it on. I hate clowns, man. They are the epitome of evil. And to see a clown have sex was one of the worst things that I have ever witnesses. Then again, that chick blowing a horse and then when it blew in her mouth- that was pretty bad too. Anyway, the clown (demon) goes down on her and fingers that pussy like a pro, even though he didn't use the "shocker," after she blows him for a while. To avoid the mess of hay getting into every orifice, they start fucking on a blanket, the whole time this guy keeps the rainbow wig on. Jesus, man. However, we must indubitably note the perfect "V" formation of Inari's legs, even as this guy slams it in. They roll to the side position and then into the doggie style where the wig finally comes off, thank god. He then blows all over her ass. I was surprised though that his cum didn't match the wig...
In the final scene, the two designers come together on the set, and make their amends, at which point the guy loosens his fly, and saying what the hell, Rayveness opens her cunt for him to poke about in with his tongue. After he probes for a while, she wets her tits and opts for the titty-fuck (which I never understood) before she swallows his sword. With her knees to the sky, the guy throws it in her looseness before she climbs on top to get the maximum depth with the dick she has to work with. Now the great part of this scene was when he slams her from behind. He must have had some rhythm because her tits were flying around like those ping pong balls in the air thing that they use for the lottery. I swear, I though they were just going to fly off her chest. After the high speed titties, the guy just decides he has to bust on them, which he does.
Overall, a pretty good flick. A little too dramatic and artsy, but good cinematography and effort on the actors part. In terms of features, this disc had a pic gallery, chapter selection, behind-the-scenes footage (don't bother your time here), and of course, previews.
Gallery of Sin
This Jerome Tanner vid is more a series of vignettes than a proper feature. In fact, GALLERY OF SIN, with it's wigs, masks and brightly-colored backgrounds is reminiscent of nothing so much as a couples-oriented exercise in psychedelia. The disc also features more pixelation and color moire than we're used to seeing in Legend DVD product.
Extras-Live-play still gallery, cast bios, behind-the-scenes footage.
Gallery of Sin
DVD FEATURES
Chapters, Photo Gallery, Behind the Scenes, Biographies, Internet, Phone Sex
Most of the features are pretty standard, nice but standard. The photo gallery is nicely done, but the best part is the behind the scenes footage which is funny and gives us a nice look at what goes on backstage on a porn shoot.
REVIEW: I have said it before, but it's hard to deny that there has not been a hotter commodity than Tera Patrick to enter porn since Jenna Jameson. As soon as I wrote this line, I started thinking that I should really challenge such a bold statement. After all, to compare Tera to the kind of attention Jenna got is saying a lot. After careful consideration, I would have to say that I'm right. There hasn't been a bigger star to grace the blue screen and all the AVN awards handed out to other women can't convince me otherwise. (To be fair, Tera really won't be eligible for any awards until next year.) Legend was smart enough to grab her from the beginning and put her in every movie they could. In this one, she plays a living work of art and what could be more appropriate?
Nick East and Raveness are erotic artists who don't like each other very much. They are hired by a wealthy client to re-create some great works of art in their special way. This is the plot vehicle which will allow us into the dark, moody sex scenes. Raveness tackles the first piece, a vampire legend starring Mike Horner and Inari Vachs as a pair of horny suckers. (No, they're vampires, not lawyers.) Inari is bored with drinking and seems ready to quit. That's OK, it looks like she prefers sucking cock to necks anyway. Very nice blowjob here, with a minimal amount of excess drool. Now, am I the only one who finds the use of condoms by vampires funny? They drink , but they're worried about HIV? Aren't they already dead? And aren't they immortal? Anyway Horner pus a pretty fair fuck into Inari, keeping mostly to missionary before dropping his load on her belly. Their post fuck dialog leads to the reason he drove a stake through her heart, but you're going to have to watch for yourself if you want to know the reasons.
Nick needs to top that one, so he takes on the of Helen of Troy. In Nick's version, Helen (Nina) goes to Hell where Dave Hardman and Lola play devilish tormentors. Nina struggles a bit with English, but is quite at home with a cock in her mouth. This blonde Euro-babe is pretty good looking, but Lola steals the scene with her intense sexual heat. Hey look, in Hell, they have sex toys that don't melt in the internal fires. Dave's pitchfork is equipped with a fake cock that fucks Nina until she needs the real thing. Before she finally gets fucked, Nina has to tongue fuck Lola's pretty pussy and that makes for a fine looking little prelude. Lola gets busy on Dave's cock, sucking it to the root over and over with no problem at all. Wow, they wear condoms in Hell too. While Nina gets fucked by Dave, Lola is still stealing the show, blasting her pussy with a fat dildo. Her pussy is too much for Dave to pass up and we get a great shot of her being slammed doggy style. Both women share the final shot, each taking a side of his cock and sucking the load right out of him.
Raveness takes on a scandal of more earthly proportions when she visits the scene of a famous Hollywood murder. A famous director was gunned down and no one really knows who did it. The best part about letting Raveness tell the story is that we get to watch the hot and sweaty sex that preceded the killing. Mister director seems to be a bit jealous that his girlfriend is sharing on screen heat with her leading man. Hell, anyone lucky enough to be banging Tera Patrick on a regular basis is bound to be worried that might all go away. They end up having sex. (Of course they do, this is a porno.) Tera on her knees sucking a big cock is such a rod stiffening sight that it must be seen to be appreciated. Nacho has a pretty big dick, so she starts out with just the head in her mouth while she gently strokes it with her fingers. However, that isn't good enough for Tera and she shoves more than half of it down her throat. Taking her onto the couch, he starts slam fucking Tera's beautiful little pussy. This chick knows how to fuck and doesn't hold a thing back in her scenes. She scratches and claws as Nacho bangs her hard enough to make those billion dollar boobs shake rattle and roll all over her chest. On an interesting side note, this is the first non condom scene. OK, so vampires use rubbers, they use them in Hell, but a slutty starlet and a philandering director. So, the only people who would actually need to worry about HIV aren't using condoms. (All right, enough of this, the horse is dead.) What is really important here is that Tera looks awesome and is totally into the scene. After dropping a load on her wonderful ass, the director is dropped himself. By who? Check it out yourself.
Nick's next creation is a bit odd as a couple of clowns get it on. Multi colored wigs aside, this blonde chick is a pretty emphatic cocksucker and looks a little bit like a young Janine. Her pussy looks tight, but he manages to fuck her with three fingers before replacing them with his hard cock. If this is what goes on backstage at the circus, maybe I shouldn't have been so quick to dismiss the whole clown college option out of high school. After giving her a solid fuck, this clown manages barely a single drop of cum for her cute little butt.
Finally putting their differences aside, Raveness and Nick decide to make a little art of their own. The busy porn veteran has gone blonde recently and looks quite different. Of course, her big tits are still the same and Nick has a good time playing with those monsters before warming up her pussy. I don't know if I would call what Raveness does with her tits and mouth art, but she has perfect tits for fucking and the way she deep sucks his cock is certainly fine smut. She's got his eyes rolling back in his head long before he starts fucking her slit. Fans of big, shaking boobs will love the way she looks being boned mish. She rides him for a bit, but the best sex comes when Nick bends Raveness over and starts thrusting into her from behind. She spins around and shakes her tits as he drops a load right between those fun bags. Don't expect much of a plot here, it's more of an excuse for the different sexual scenarios than anything resembling a coherent story. Thankfully, the sex is enough to carry things here. Tera Patrick is the obvious choice for the most watchable and desirable woman in the movie. Her scene is absolutely the best thing about this movie. In fact, I think it's time she gets more than just one shot at showing off her skills in a movie. Lola and Nina add a second fine scene, doing each other in Hell and making sure things stay plenty hot. Inari's scene is another one to watch. She looks as good as I've ever seen her. Well shot sex that is hot enough to keep everyone interested, but just enough sexy mood to keep the ladies from leaving the room.