Secret Admirer

Because I'm one of those weak-willed porn geeks who can't resist a pretty face and a sexy body on the cover of a new video, I purchased SECRET ADMIRER outright without the benefit of an Empire Review. After all, when the simply sensational Briana Banks is on the cover, how can any guy resist? And if the video inside is half as good as the cover, it's got to be terrific, right? Well, as it turns out the video is less than one-half as good as the cover because Briana appears in only two of five scenes in this otherwise rather run-of-the-mill flick

Directed by the renowned Mike Quasar of "Quasarman" fame, the movie is basically about a troubled couple who seek a new "comfort zone" via cybersex and internet communication, leading into an exploration of (what else?) their sexual fantasies. It's the hoariest premise of any given porn flick, but also a convenient way to introduce stylized vignettes, connected only tangentially by the main "story." I won't point out the technical inconsistencies inherent in the concept (just how are these people are able to chat with and instant message other using an e-mail form?), nor will I go into detail on how pat and simplistic the overall story is; and I certainly won't address how surprisingly unimaginative the sex scenes are...

...But I will rave about the featured star and cover girl! If you, like me, want to pick up this "Brianna" [sic; as misspelled on the opening credits] Banks film for her and her alone, then you won't be too disappointed. There's no doubt about it: she looks gorgeous here, and we get a fair amount of footage of her strutting around in tight skirts, high heels, and other flattering outfits. It isn't high fashion a la Andrew Blake, but it is eye candy at its finest. Her beginning scene with Bobby Vitale is hot stuff, but nothing too exceptional. The dark videography is obviously meant to create a romantic, couples-oriented moment, but watching Bobby grab her hair as he pulls her head up and down on his cock may is strictly for the guys. As always, Briana's blowjobs are simply terrific. The anal work and oral cumshot tops off a damn good scene.

I had high hopes for the Wendy Knight/Keri Windsor affair, but the luscious kissing is obscured by dark shadows, poor camera work, and bad edits. Theirs is a fantasy sequence performed live for Vitale's pleasure, but only he gets the best seat in the house while we viewers have to struggle through the dimly shot scene. With only fingers, mouth, and tongues at work, this girl-girl scene falls short of greatness due to technical obstructions.

Briana again fills the screen with her busty blonde presence in a colorfully lit office turned disco scene with Mark Davis. The dirty dancing might have been fun if it weren't for the unnecessary visual effects (slow motion, fog and whatnot), but the scene becomes a bit easier to watch once the sexing starts. Briana's lovely stems are displayed nicely throughout their desktop fuck, and the medium close up of the dribbling cum facial is the perfect combination of beauty and nastiness.

Equally good is the Bridgette Kerkove/Lola/Joel Lawrence threesome, which begins with some dual action cock sucking leading into a non-stop fuck-fest. Though there is no anal or cum-swapping involved, the ménage a trois smokes due in large part to Bridgette's wild attitude.

The hardcore however, ends on a more modest note when Bobby Vitale gets devoured by Belladonna across a table, which is also captured by a nearby monitor in the offering us some nice background visuals. If you happen to see this sexy brunette in the Red Light District feature STRAIGHT TO THE A #1, then you may find let down by her appearance here, since it only hints of hot truly nasty she can be (she takes a double anal in STRAIGHT TO THE A). Still, she looks good (save for the garish tattoo on her right breast) here and knows how to take an oral cumshot - some of which she apparently swallows - with the best of them.

The last five minutes of the film gives us a hopeful ending to the relationship between Bobby and Briana, and hints of another sex scene between the two. But alas, after some brief deep kissing all we get is a roll of the credits. Another sex scene would surely have saved this film from a mediocre rating.

The extras on this disc are just okay: the viewer gets an entertaining behind the scenes featurette which is somewhat mistitled as "Star Interviews," a photo gallery and a seemingly endless running ad for phone and internet sex as well as an unlabelled set trailers which can be accessed one after the other with the skip button. I could have definitely done without the front-loaded Metro ads, but they are only a slight nuisance. Video and audio quality are good all around, whenever the scenes aren't photographed too dark or too shadowy.

I didn't admire this movie, but I simply love Briana Banks and she is the only reason why I would recommend giving this movie a look.