French Moments

Obviously meant to reflect a "B" line of videos in their catalog of titles, FRENCH MOMENTS is sure to disappoint even the least critical of adult fans. But for those who are aware of VCA's usual standards of feature film and DVD production excellence (as exemplified by recent titles like CRIME & PASSION and TAKEN), the release of this forgettable video, when so many other classic VCA titles lie in their video vaults, may be puzzling and perhaps even infuriating. From the slapped-together box cover photo of the otherwise beautiful Tabitha Cash, to the utter absence of bonus materials (not to mention content), and to the mediocre picture quality (reflecting what is obviously a faithful digital transfer of a fourth-rate video production), this title from XPLICIT DVD is one unsalvageable mess.

Offering viewers a measly two scenes spread over seventy-five minutes of running time, FRENCH MOMENTS gives very little for the money. It's no wonder VCA wanted to release these titles under a different label! A video like this does nothing to enhance the reputation of a studio that gave us superb digital transfers of classic movies like BARBARA BROADCAST and NEW WAVE HOOKERS 2, as well as modern greats like WHITE LIGHTNING and SEX/SEX 2: FATE (two movies on one disc!). I'm not knocking VCA for trying to make a buck, or for trying to give fans of Tabitha Cash and Vanity (who?) some otherwise unseen, archival material for their enjoyment, but the stuff here on FRENCH MOMENTS isn't worth the effort! (Granted, it all depends on how much you like the women in any given flick; should VCA find outtakes or missing footage of forgotten superstars like Lauren Hall or Selena Steele, then I'll be the first to plunk down their suggested retail price even if the content was no better than what we get here.)

Although generously divided into seven titles, Tabitha Cash's eventual romp with Tom Byron is so run-of-the-mill that it defines generic porn. But even before you get to see the good stuff, you have to put up with over twenty minutes of Ms. Cash giving us a cheesy dance and striptease which is performed boringly to generic overdubbed music in what appears to be a gaudily decorated hotel room. Sure, she looks damn hot in her sheer, black, lacy outfit. and of course, seeing close-ups of her pussy is all well and good, but enough already! All the extended footage of her doing virtually the same thing over and over and over and over again smacks of shameless padding and kills whatever pretense of build-up there is to her hardcore scenes. When she finally gets down to having sex with Mr. Byron in a jacuzzi, their magical moment together is about as uneventful as watching grass grow. Indeed, the usually dependable Mr. B even seems to be having a hard time getting it up while she's blowing him. (Maybe he got bored watching her masturbate in the hot tub before he was called into action.)

Incidentally, the overdubbing in this movie is embarrassing. Certainly, foreign import DVDs from Private and Wicked/Marc Dorcel have plenty of dubbing in them, but at least it's done technically well and stays in tune with the scene. But here, you can hear Tabitha moan intelligibly even though she has a plastic dildo stuck down her throat, and some disembodied male voice gasps in ecstasy though Tom Byron fucks her emotionlessly and with his mouth obviously tightly closed. Furthermore, the camera work is static and amateurishly composed. Though not an incompetent director, the unimaginative John Dragon doesn't even try to capture an interesting or original angle throughout any of the two scenes. (Though I admit, the anal penetration shots of Tabitha are well done up to gonzo standards.)

The affair starring Vanity is not much better. She takes less time to strip down and play with herself, but she is also pretty sedentary when Vincent walks in and tries to get her aroused in an unexciting interracial coupling (which has a weak oral cumshot, but no anal). The sucking and fucking is performed so leisurely with so little passion that I was sure at least one of the performers was going to fall on camera, assuming I didn't start dozing off first.

The only way I could recommend this flick would be as a Christmas gift to a friend who owes me money, or to the very die-hard fans of Tabitha Cash or Vanity. Even then, I question whether this DVD would be worth their while.