Haunted Tails

Anyone who has rented or bought a DVD from Heatwave or Horizon over the past year or so should be somewhat familiar with the title Haunted Tails. The preview for this movie was placed on almost every one of their DVDs released in the last year, and I wondered if the film would ever see its digital release.

Sadly, I wished I would have just stuck with watching the preview, since it features the only worthwhile sex in the entire film: a graveyard romp between Ava Vincent (here credited as Jewel Valmont) and Dave Hardman. Ava is decked out in a flowing white dress as she magically appears in front of Dave and gets down on her knees to give him a great looking blowjob. The two continue the sexual action by trying out positions on top of the various tombstones, and eventually Dave blows a healthy load on Ava's lips...great beginning, right?

Unfortunately it is all downhill from there, as we are treated to a scene where Herschel Savage finds himself in a threesome with box cover girl Dominique Simone (who is in no way the "star" of this movie, other than the fact that she's in two scenes) and Champagne, that is poorly filmed and has Dominique and Champagne dressed exactly the same way with exactly the same hair style, so it's difficult to make out who Herschel is boinking at any particular time during the scene.

Next, is a short masturbation segment where Candy Apples gives it to herself with a pitchfork (the handle end, for those of you who just had to ask!). But the scene is shot with no visible penetration, so it's obvious Candy really isn't stretching herself out with the large farm tool. Once she's done with that, Herschel arrives so the two can get it on, but there's nothing particularly erotic or fun about their scene, other than the fact that Candy does take it anally in the missionary position shortly before the sequence's end.

Dominique returns in the next to last scene for a threesome with two other guys, and Roy Shaft gets to make out in the final scene with Dolly Golden, before being kicked out of the room by another male (ghost?), who proceeds to have his way with Ms. Golden.

There's an attempt at some sort of story about the graveyard being the resting place of a brothel full of prostitutes, but the truth of the matter is that there is really no story here at all. But the really scary thing about Haunted Tails is that, other than the opening scene with Ava, there's nothing to whack off to on this DVD.

The best part of the extra material on the DVD is the number of bonus scenes (from other titles) that you'll get with this disc. In fact, the bonus material is far more entertaining that anything that is in the actual movie. It has nothing to do with the film in question, but in this case, that's a positive.

Since Haunted Tails was filmed back in 1999, it's hard to be too critical of the director, Jim Powers. He's gone on to film more entertaining movies since this one, including the Kelly The Coed series (and its sequels, Chrissy The Campus Slut and Sindee The Campus Slut) and the highly entertaining Austin Prowler. But maybe he should throw this one in his player every now and again to remind himself how far he's come.