All Reviews by Coolbreeze
Gluteus To The MaximusStudio: Seymore Butts“Only if Quick Transitions and Underneath Angles Are Your ThTwo of my biggest pet peeves in porn are transitioning from a hot segment too quickly and the dreaded underneath foxhole t-sac camera angle. I don’t care that it is an orgy or group scene. You have to stay locked on target for 45 to 60 seconds or more so I can paint the wall by number with my “magical paint pen”. Don’t make me wear out my remote. And a third thing I despise is the female who uses her own hand to spread her own cheeks (it’s the males job baby) during doggie-style. Thus you can’t obtain an unobstructed view of her hot ass. Don’t you hate that S??? Anyway, there is only one scene here worth watching and it involves ALEX DANE (looking pretty nice here with real tits still) getting done doggie and corned by “Ron Jon” (my personal nickname since I’ve met the man), a.k.a. RON JEREMY and TOM BYRON. Unfortunately, the 15-20 seconds at a time didn’t cut the mustard. The rest of the tail included: ALYSSA LOVE, HOLLI WOODS, JORDAN MCKNIGHT, KATIE GOLD, MELANIE, SHANA MCCULLOUGH, SHAY SWEET and TAYLOR HAYES. All were completely forgettable in my book. As a result, I’m wiping tail on this wet turd. NEXT! Young & Tasty #1Studio: Legal Pink“My Pole Had No Interest”…The girls aren’t bad, the sex isn’t bad, the camera work isn’t too bad. In a nutshell, its all simply -- “not bad”. As a result, you will find nothing remarkable here. PASJA – black hair; fairly attractive; fair skin; long body; takes average-sized pole; lame underneath doggie-style shots; medium shot doggie presents her ass pretty well; brief titty shag. ROXY – medium frame; red hair = no interest; body okay but not my type; face odd looking. SUE – a mediocre blonde. KATARINA TOMBOY – girl from cover; as usual, not as cute as box cover; pigtails help a little; fat and meaty pussy turns me off; girl is thick in the butt; low back tat and one above foxhole; takes above average pole; sprays in mouth and she didn’t love it. JASMINE ROUGE – blonde w/decent ass; looks good in MMF horn-blow doggie-style piece; sunlight floods through in background and never occurred to director to make an adjustment…brilliant. NEXT! Well Hung Amateurs #1Studio: Homegrown SELECT"I could've shot somebody's eye out"...I thought I was 18 again based on the "launch" this movie created for me. This movie is worth it for Cindy alone. This girl is young and clearly inexperienced which sells home the amateur factor. Watching her smoke pole and take Buck's meaty tool makes for a visual paradise for the viewers. CINDY (solo) -- The lighting is really good and the wardrobe perfectly emphasizes the "youth factor". I especially liked watching her get worked over while wearing her tennis shoes. She giggles and is playful (not staged) and is clearly "affected" by the sex. Her ass is gorgeous in the doggie-style position. Buck closes the scene by spraying on her face. CINDY & LEXI -- Lexi is another cutie with blondish hair. Like Cindy she is tat and piercing free -- thank you porn gods! Cindy licks Lexi's clit while Buck pounds away on Lexi. Cindy licks the sea sauce off Lexi's face at the end of the scene. Buck's dialogue in his movies is "mildly" annoying but completely forgivable as he does things to these girls that we would do if we were in his shoes. Surprisingly, you rarely see this in gonzo porn. I love this series and only watched these scenes due to the other girls not being my types. I can't recommend this series strongly enough. Oriental Orgy World #4Studio: Evasive Angles“Plenty of Hog, not enough Dog”…This movie has plenty of thick Asian asses (if that is your “cup of tea”) but there wasn’t enough emphasis on doggie-style on those thick booties. Here is a brief summary of some of the girls: AVA DEVINE – this girl has a hideous complexion, a $5.00 hooter job and a thick body. But if you’re into nasty, this is your girl. NATALIA – who lost a bet that allowed this girl in the adult cinema? She has a man’s haircut and a blasé shapeless body to boot. She sounds like a dying cow when getting pounded. JADE – this girl would be attractive if you could do a withdrawal on the ink and piercings. KEMORA – this girl looks young, and is tall and pretty. Unfortunately, we don’t see her get done doggie. But Mr. Marcus does give her a nice “corning-ware” session. LUCY – she has a pretty cute face and a really nice body. The show begins with the interviews and transitions to horn-jobs. At one point the boys do the rounds through the girls to get their horns polished. Other highlights include: Lucy getting done doggie by Mr. Marcus; Kemora getting corned by Mr. Marcus; a girl “gushing”; Mr. Marcus corning a thin girl in the doggie position; facial finishes. Overall, this is just mediocre adult interracial orgy action. The lighting is good but the camera angles could have been better. And the girls just weren’t hot enough. Other movies in this series are better as they mix in some petite Asians. Oriental KittenStudio: VCX"False Advertising At Its Not-So-Finest"...I'm giving this movie two stars due to the following reasons: the sexual positions were more creative than today's adult movies; there were some decent bodies on the actresses; the music was strong. I've never seen a Suzy Chung movie but I can tell you that the girl on the box cover looks WAY hotter than the Asian girl in the movie. I don't even see a resemblance. Also, the still photo of the posterior is not on the Asian girl in this movie and doesn't seem to be "present and accounted for" in this movie. In a MFF scene a black guy has the Asian girl and a white girl bent over and stacked. He does one doggie-style and performs oral sex on the other. This was pretty decent. Also, a MMF scene with a white girl has some better than average sexual positions. The Bossa Nova jazz ("The Girl from Ipannema") music in the background was almost surreal. I never would've seen that coming. The movie has two mediocre John Holmes scenes. Also, the scene with John Holmes and the Asian girl on the box cover DOES NOT appear in this movie. This is false advertising at its not-so-finest in motion. I wouldn't bother with this...there are much better works in the 70s'. High School BunniesStudio: VCX“Only if you’re a true fan of Old Skool Porn”…The lighting and the visual quality of the film (especially considering its age) are good throughout. The storyline is juvenile and simplistic but at least one exists. Beth Anna isn’t as cute as she appears on box covers. Her three on one, MMMF gangbang was rather weak. There were no position changes and little heat to speak of. Most actresses are fairly attractive with one cute brunette stand-out. She gets done doggie in a orgy scene. Her ass looks really nice and it photographed well (shy of a high-angle shot). All in all, this movie simply didn’t “fire me up”. It was like “going through the motions” of a workout versus actually pushing yourself through each exercise. Sugar BritchesStudio: VCX“Whackability Low but Honies are Present”…It’s been my experience that the majority of films shot in the 70s’ have a low whack factor. Unfortunately, they are often sabotaged/plagued by dark lighting, poor audio, poor image quality and short sex scenes. It’s too bad because often they will have nice erotic storylines and better acting. My favorite scenes in this movie featured a brunette maid in a MFFF bondage scene and an athletic brunette hottie in lace-ups and a red top and sexy shorts in a MMF scene. The two actors tagged her inside a screened in porch of a cabin in the woods. Another con of this movie was there seemed to be no real storyline. Although, I’ll confess that after the first scene I utilized the FF button excessively to find “the hot tail on a hot tin roof”. Both sex scenes mentioned had some brief hot moments but nothing was “golden” due to the reasons I mentioned above.
Kristara Barrington Unleashed!Studio: VCX“Classic Asian Tail -- Barely Unleashed”…The first couple of scenes feature “two pump chumps” so there is zero “whack factor” going on. There is a group scene in which a bunch of mattresses are placed together. Unfortunately there is zero interplay between the 3-4 couples so the heat factor is nominal at best. Borderline “three pump chumps” are featured here. I will say that Kristara’s body looks extra hot in a few scenes featured on this movie. While her ass isn’t incredibly shapely it looks very shaggable when riding tool or being done doggie-style. Another plus with Kristara is her foxhole looks “snug as a bug in a rug” even when she’s taking on an average-sized tool. In one scene her nice pillowy soft butt cheeks are featured in a doggie-style segment but the picture quality is poor. Throughout the movie some video quality is good and some is mediocre leaning toward bad. Although, the biggest factors which sabotaged this movie were not enough doggie-style (a running theme with these Kristara compilations) and there are many bad camera angles. I would only rent this if you love that Korean fair-skinned look to the 10th power. Otherwise, “keep on sniffin”… Summertime BlueStudio: VCX“The Best Thing Was the Video Quality”…The most surprising thing was that for a 70s’ movie the video quality was nearly always above average. The movie opens with a shortie brunette who I believe is ARCADIA LAKE and a tall redhead with an unappealing face. Arcadia has some jacked up malfangled vampirish teeth but beyond that she is pretty appealing. There is a real absence of doggie-style action overall and that had me mostly tuning out. The lezbo action with the two girls was pretty decent including a “double-dong” penetration ending. You will have to endure many goofy tan lines from bathing suits which suddenly is distracting to my eye. There is a brief orgy scene but it is all boring missionary action with most of the penetration concealed (weak sauce). The JOHN HOLMES action is just okay. There was one decent creamy facial finish he gave a blondie. Most of the girls just didn’t physically work for me. Unfortunately, the best camera work was utilized on the ugly redhead. “No bueno”… Case Of The Missing Seka Master, TheStudio: VCX“Ron Jon Does it Again”…There are three tasty scenes in this movie. One consists of a tri-fecta lesbo scene, another with a cute Asian (MELINE MASGLO?) in a MF scene and another with RON JEREMY and a fairly cute brunette (NATALIA HARRIS?) and petite Asian honey (KEANA?). The MFF with “Ron Jon” was the superior scene for me. Watching Ronny boy bury his long-dong doggie-style on that cutie Asian’s sweet ass while she licked box on the brunette was almost too much to take (and eventually was). There were some nice high-angle and medium shots which displayed things beautifully (see box shots and screen shots) and the camera angles were held fairly long. Later Ron goes the “cornroute” on the whitey which looked pretty nice. Ron is looking pretty heinous in this movie which makes it all that more spectacular that he is hammering these “porn” 8.0 or 8.5 girls. The cutting back and forth between these scenes and old Seka scenes is a minor annoyance but mostly doesn’t interrupt the whack factor.