Opening of Misty Beethoven, The

"MISTY BEETHOVEN is simply the best overall adult film ever made" or so proclaims porn historian Jim Holliday on VCA's "Classic Comments" section on the elaborately produced DVD of THE OPENING OF MISTY BEETHOVEN. For a film originally made in 1975, this title directed by Henry Paris does look and feel its age, but nevertheless succeeds remarkably as a very hot and very entertaining porno movie. It has been discussed on various internet sites that nothing of consequence had been edited from its original format (save for a few scant seconds which have nothing to do with story or content), so completists will want to dump their old videotapes or laserdiscs for this medium. However, for cinematic purists, it should be noted that this DVD is in full screen format, which means that the movie must have been panned and scanned (as opposed to letterboxed) for its digital debut. Since most porn movies show the good stuff front and center, I can't imagine that the viewer is missing much from the cropped picture, but then again, this is my first viewing of this highly-regarded classic.

Smolderingly sexy Constance Money stars as the title character who works in Paris as a hooker. Jamie Gillis plays a writer who acts as her pygmalion/svengali to transform her into a "sophisticated socialite." The movie then transports the viewers to various globetrotting locations and sexual situations where Constance is put to the test (and passes with flying colors, of course). Amidst all the sex play, dialogue, foreign settings, eclectic musical scoring, close-up photography, and rapid-pace editing, is an actual attempt to bring some emotional resonance to the characters. Whereas most of today's films are merely ciphers for sexual acrobatics, the story here controls the sexual content, and not the other way around. I doubt that many viewers will have the opportunity to speed-search through this movie, because most of the hardcore, while plentiful, is very tightly edited: you see all the good stuff, but the scenes are never padded out. In this respect, consumers are truly getting a lot of visual bang for the buck.

And yet...I hate to sound like a porn philistine here, but I have to admit that there seems to be a trade-off here for quantity instead of quality. The first thirty-minutes of this film have more varied cock sucking than in one of those all-fellatio compilations. However, the movie does slow down a bit when Terri Hall seduces Jacqueline Beudant under Gillis's directions, before he has his way with her. When Constance Money finally puts her education to work by seducing an effeminate guy, there is a definite thrill to her sucking and fucking, which raises an otherwise straightforward scene to impressive erotic heights. The dark cinematography, and the music (which I believe was "Tubular Bells" -- popularly known as a theme from THE EXORCIST) will again, be somewhat of a culture shock those who are used to the flat look of video shot during in natural daylight, but there is no denying that it all helps make the scene work.

Following this pivotal sequence, the rest of the film continues to explore Ms. Money's sexual adventures, and many of the scenes play like a music video montage. Former actress and porn activist (as well as porn commentator on the second audio channel) Gloria Leonard has a major supporting character in this flick, and gets to take her shot at the lead actress in what was described as her first big production role. Naturally, she carries it off like a pro, and when the two are joined by Ras Kean for a frolicking threesome, the movie reaches a boiling point in erotic heat. However, there is a segment where poor Mr. Kean (actually, a gay "stunt man" does the booty-duty) is subjected to a strap-on dildo worn by Constance Money, which I would have preferred left on the cutting room floor...oh, well; I guess that is what speed-search buttons on your remote are for. It is also revealed on the secondary audio track that the inexperienced Mr. Kean came inside of Gloria during this scene, much to the dismay of the director who naturally understands the importance of the money shot! Just when one thinks that the movie is about to slow down to a conclusion, the sex scenes just keep coming, with Jamie Gillis finally getting to share an intimate scene with Constance herself, bringing a fulfilling ending to a surprisingly satisfying "old" movie.

The video and audio quality is excellent, considering the age of the film and the generally lesser production values inherent in all porn films of that (or any other) generation. There are some dropouts, a dose of grain and noise which are due to the natural chemical deterioration of film, but I can't imagine this movie looking better at any other time since its original debut. The running commentary by Mr. Gillis and Ms. Leonard is excellent and informative, and I actually preferred watching the movie completely with this audio track. VCA offers a superb presentation of this movie, with attractive extras such as actual production stills (and not just freeze-framed stills taken from the video), a picture of the original box cover art, and a "Hall of Fame Photo Gallery" (which is also found in BARBARA BROADCAST).

While companies like Caballero DVD carelessly mistreat the older titles in their library (witness the mediocre presentation of 8 TO 4 and modern classics like the early Andrew Blake films), it's good to know that VCA recognizes the importance of preserving their catalog of classics. For anyone who appreciates a "Criterion Collection" presentation of great, dirty movies, THE OPENING OF MISTY BEETHOVEN is a definite must-see, and a true must-have.

This is a great piece of porn! It's great, if only for the fact that Constance Money gets three guys off at the same time by giving a blowjob and jerking the other two off with her hands. Now that's a real porn star! This is porn at its best from its golden era - the 70's. It sits in the same place as the original "Debbie Does Dallas" and "Taboo" - two of my all-time favorite pieces of porn. There's an actual plot, the acting is good and the sex scenes are great. This is a piece of porn worth buying and watching again and again.

This is the best - period. No one will ever top this movie. It's an example of how to make a film with a plot, great acting, great storyline and manage to throw actual sex scenes in without distracting you from any of it. I almost forgot I was watching an adult film.

This 1976 "Golden Age" classic is, by critical consensus, the best adult film of all time. It was directed by Henry Paris, a stage name for Radley Metzger, who directed several soft-core movies of the 1960s, including The Dirty Girls (1964), The Alley Cats (1965), Carmen, Baby (1967), Therese and Isabelle (1968), Camille 2000 (1969), and The Lickerish Quartet (1970). It's safe to say he is more famous for this film than for any other; millions more people have seen Misty Beethoven than have seen any of those non-explicit movies. By the way, I'm not talking out of school by giving his real name; on the commentary track of this disk, Jamie Gillis and Gloria Leonard use his real name repeatedly. They aren't talking out of school either, because some quick Internet research on any number of sites would give you his real name.

The plot is an x-rated takeoff on George Bernard Shaw's 1916 play "Pygmalion" which was the basis for Lerner and Loewe's successful Broadway musical and Academy Award-winning film, My Fair Lady. The Eliza Doolittle part is played by Constance Money. (Supposedly, Metzger gave her the nom de porn "Constance Money" because she was constantly asking for more money.) Money plays a street hustler named Misty Beethoven who gives hand jobs in seedy adult theaters and flophouses. Jamie Gillis, back when he was young and good looking, plays the Prof. Henry Higgins role, Dr Seymour Love, an author and sexologist. He meets Misty in one of those seedy adult theaters. Later they run into the Col. Pickering character, Seymour's publisher, Geraldine Rich, who, as Seymour tells Misty when he introduces them "is both very Geraldine and very rich." Geraldine is played by "one hit wonder" Jacqueline Beudant, and what a shame we can't find her in any other movies. Love and Rich decide they are going to turn poor, unerotic Misty Beethoven into porn publisher Lawrence Lehman's next "Goldenrod Girl." Seymour drills her repeatedly on the erotic arts, until she can get three men off simultaneously using only her hands and her mouth.

For excellence of plot, dialogue, acting, sets, and humor, this film has no peers in the X-rated universe. Today, most porn films are shot in one day. A lavish Paul Thomas production for Vivid might shoot for five or six days. Metzger took three weeks to shoot this film. It was made to be shown in adult theaters, not popped into the VCR, and it played in one theater in Washington D.C. for 6 years running. There are exterior shots in New York, Paris, and Rome, along with some very impressive interior locations. The script has such witticisms as "What's the biggest difference between Rome and New York?" "There are more Italians in New York." The female performers generally were not as good looking in 1970s porn as they are today, but you take the good with bad, and Beudant and Money are nice looking enough. No fake boobs, no shaved pudenda, just a naturalness and a realness that you don't find in today's porn. Al Goldstein used to call videos he really liked "basic adult video library." This film is basic adult DVD library. It's a must. By today's standards, it is perhaps the perfect couples' film.

VCA has done a very nice job with the disc. There are a lot of spots and speckles on the film (it was shot in super 16mm, but blown up to 35mm for its theatrical release). Considering it's a 25-year-old porn film, however, it is in better shape than you would expect. The DVD transfer was fine, and the sound is adequate. VCA has restored some footage, in which Misty uses a strap-on dildo to penetrate a man, that was excised from most of the VHS versions floating around. They have also collected some stills and, as mentioned above, they got two of the performers, Jamie Gillis and Gloria Leonard, to do an audio commentary track. Too bad they couldn't get the still living Radley Metzger; it would have been interesting to have his comments on the disc. All-in-all, VCA did a good job with this all-time erotic classic. They simultaneously released another Metzger classic, Barbara Broadcast, on DVD, but there are two more Metzger films, Naked Came the Stranger and The Private Afternoons of Pamela Mann that I would like to see released on DVD.