Best Laid Plans

Best Laid Plans is an adult film that's the wet dream of anybody who's at an age when they've found that gorging themselves on barbeque is just as appealing as sex. In just about every scene of this otherwise dull film, barbeque is used in some way to get the sexual appetite going. Couples whisper sweet nothings about barbequed chicken in each other's ears, burgers grill away in the foreground as they fuck on the condiments table, and, priorities being what they are, one guy even stops in the middle of intensely reaming his beloved to flip over his meat! Just about every guy in America loves barbeques, and apparently director Roy Karch has figured out the secret reason why: grilled meat turns them on!

Ehhh... not so much. Their biggest turn on is probably movies of hot naked women having sex, and fortunately Karch didn't forget about this when he was making his opus. The film opens with the lovely Jewel De'Nyle naked on her bed, chatting with her boyfriend about a party she's throwing that afternoon. She's so excited about it that she, of course, masturbates, and then goes and talks to her hot roommate, played by the juicy Nikita Denise. Nikita has to bow out of the party, but she thankfully sticks around long enough to have sex with her boyfriend (played by Steve Hatcher.)

This leaves poor Jewel to set up the entire party herself, which in this case means turning on the gas grill and opening a bag of chips. The plot thickens when all the guy friends she calls let her know that they're too busy to come over to party with hot chicks, free and food. (What universe is this in?) Uh-oh! Looks like Jewel might have to party by herself! Fortunately, her friends Rod and Kiki (played by Rod Fontana and Kiki Daire) come over and, while Jewel makes a call, get the party started. After eating some barbeque (the first words out of Rod's mouth after he pops are, "I'm hungry") they take off.

Poor Jewel. She's alone again. Depressed, she grabs a and gets in the shower. While she's showering, her friends Rachelle and Billy (played by Rachelle Devore and Billy Glide) arrive. Realizing that they're alone at a pool party, the choice pretty quickly comes down to, "You wanna eat or fuck?" Rachelle, apparently knowing that the smell of grilling meat will really make the sex hot, tells him she wants to eat. This brings on the films hottest scene, if by hot you mean it involves both grilling meat and naked people having sex in the same shots! Alternating between close-ups of pussy and burgers, Karch actually has Billy stop in the middle of doing Rachelle doggy-style to flip over his cooking hot dog.

They also take off when they're finished, and poor Jewel comes out of the shower to find her pool empty and her condiments table a mess, spilled ketchup and half eaten burgers scattered everywhere. Depressed, she goes inside to . When she wakes, her boyfriend (played by Kyle Stone) has arrived, and they have sex that you know is good because Jewel tells him all about the food out back when it's finished.

The sex scenes in Best Laid Plans are boring paint-by-numbers, the performers are uninspired, and, even by adult film standards, the music sucks. I mean, sucks! This isn't your standard bowmp-chippa-wow-wow, rockin' out old school on the guitar with the same riffs over and over again sucks, this is wannabe Kenny G. so slow and boring it makes you want to bash your own head in with a sledgehammer sucks. The only redeeming quality to this film, other than the hungry for grilled meat subtext, is Nikita Denise, who brings not just a tight hot body and sleepy-eyed femme fatale sultriness, but also three times the energy and drive as the rest of the cast combined. In her scene with Steve Hatcher, it's mostly her driving the action and doing all the hard pumping. She also leaves her high heels on throughout the scene and - the frosting on the cake - doesn't talk about barbequed food once.

Features on this DVD include a photo gallery, trailers and an advertisement for California Dreams Lingerie.