Barely Legal #83

It's hard to believe that Hustler's BARELY LEGAL series is poised to hit their 100th volume, probably in the next year. Why, it just seemed like yesterday (and maybe it was as recent as yesterday) that I was spanking away to "babysitter" Cheyenne Silver getting banged on the hood of a car by "older man" Kyle Stone in the very first edition. I remember that scene in particular because the situation reminded me of a similar event from one of my favorite mainstream movies, "The World According To Garp" (although that film was far less graphic and far less titillating). Since I never had the opportunity to be tempted by a young babysitter myself, the vicarious thrill of seeing such a fantasy made that - and so many other - sexual situations simply irresistible.

According to one semi-reliable source, "Barely Legal," the magazine, has actually been around since 1974. (Models from that era would be considered "Barely Menopausal" by now.) BARELY LEGAL, the video, made its debut in 1999 and fast became one of the most popular adult series ever. Several successive volumes would appear each year, and series creator and director Clive McLean would direct (or at least co-direct as well as co-write) every episode until his death in 2005. The appeal of this series is obvious: young women exploring their sexuality in situations which could only happen in "Penthouse Letters." Future super-starlets of porn like Jenna Haze, Taylor Rain, Belladonna and Cytherea made appearances in the series, and while not every volume was an erotic home-run, viewers knew that they could get their money's worth of sexy and fulfilling hardcore.

However, it wasn't too long before I personally, gave up on the series. The sexual couplings were becoming routine, and far less attention was being paid to the build-up. It seemed that instead of steamy dialogue or even a hint of acting among the players, a flat, monotone narrative would explain, "I remember the first time having sex with the pest control guy in my basement right after my 18th birthday...." etc, etc, and then we would see two people have suck and fuck lifelessly. BARELY LEGAL became as nondescript as every other hackneyed video crowding the DVD market.

Returning back to the series with #83 brought back some familiar, but very fond memories. There is an almost charming sense of goofiness to all the dramatic scenarios, which are usually awkwardly set-up and amateurishly executed, but that is the very nature of porn. Now directed by Erica McLean, Clive's widow, BARELY LEGAL sticks to the tried and true methods which have worked for the last eighty-two volumes. In #83, five vignettes are presented focusing on one particular girl (though when it comes to the expected girl-girl action, obviously we get more than one actress) and introduced with an all omniscient voice-over which usually begins, "Dear Barely Legal..." The themes and settings are simple and to the point: Cowgirl Jacelyn Fox gets it on with Rocco Reed after masturbating on a bench near a barn; Teagan Hart invites Cheyne Collins to a picnic, and of course, they do it on a table outdoors; Sochee Mala and Karlie Montana are good friends who share their first lesbian experience in a girl's bedroom; Nika Noir goes after a laborer; and Megan Murray seduces her brother's friend, Charles Dera, in a bathroom.

Most of the dialogue serves only to drive home the fact that girls are 18 years old or at least, just turned 18 (hence, they are legal...but barely), but the so-called "conversations" end up being superfluous or repetitive. For example, in the penultimate scene, the narration introduces the very cute Nika Noir (a Gauge lookalike, whose slight European accent is at odds with the voiceover) as a girl visiting her aunt in the country. We learn that she has a crush on the guy who delivers hay for her aunt's horses. Fine; I assume that most viewers will remember all that information before the action begins. But to re-emphasize those facts, we actually see him unloading a bale of hay from his truck as she approaches (looking sexier than hell in a short skirt, tight top and boots, by the way). And just to remind us about what he's doing in this scene, she asks, "Are you finished delivering the hay?" And in the event we can't recall why she happens to be around, he notes, "you're here visiting your aunt." He later refers to her aunt a couple more times before screwing her on the back of his truck (where he just unloaded the hay for her aunt, just in case you forgot).

As for the sex itself - well, it's good, solid work. There's no anal, and certainly no DP action to be found, and the only girls who take a healthy shot of spunk to the mouth are Nika Noir (the girl visiting the aunt who has a thing for hay-deliveryman) and Megan Murray. Dark-haired Sochee (who, interestingly enough, looks even better in the short Behind The Scenes featurette) and red-head Karlie contribute a fairly hot lesbian offering which impressed me with its simplicity: some sensuous kissing, hearty pussy-eating and brief use of toys. Blonde Jaelyn Fox looks great getting banged in reverse cowgirl and a pile-driving position, and she's pretty easy on the eyes. Megan is a natural at performing before the cameras, and her all-natural girl-next-door looks make her the quintessential Barely Legal model. If Taylor Rain had a younger, less glamorous cousin, Miss Murray would fit that bill.

The only real disappointment is Teagan Hart's scene. She's cute, but will never be mistaken for the "real" Teagan who simply knocked me out in ALL-AMERICAN GIRL and TEENAGE ANAL PRINCESS. She keeps tight lips when it comes to the money shot, and seems a bit too hesitant and reserved overall. Sure, it's only a matter of time before she's loses her amateur status, but I probably won't be replaying her scene anytime soon.

Aside from the aforementioned Behind The Scenes footage, this Blu-ray only has a handful of standard extras. The slideshow features each performer in poses as well as in hardcore action, and runs for over fifteen minutes. A couple of Hustler (and one VCA) trailers are also presented, though none are especially memorable. The audio is presented in two channel stereo, so don't expect to get a surround sound workout from this disc. The picture, however, is damn good. The rather soft images and muted colors don't necessarily scream "HIGH DEFINITION!!!!" when you first view this movie, but little details like the shadow of a fly hovering around Teagan's butt while she gets doggied, and the fine hairs on Sochee's arms (not necessarily a flattering characteristic) are clearly visible and will make you appreciate what Blu-ray has to offer.

In the end, I don't know whether to applaud or bemoan the fact that, based on BARELY LEGAL #83, the title has not capitulated to the demands of the adult market, which seems to insist on displaying newfangled methods of cum-swapping, triple anal penetration, and every other (lawful) perversion known to humankind. I appreciate the series for sticking to a tried and true formula which actually distinguishes itself from all the other "Me, too!" gonzo releases. But those wanting more may find #83 just too run-of-the-mill for its own good.