Phattys Rhymes & Dimes 9

There's something funny about having me review Phattys Rhymes & Dimes 9. Not that I can't appreciate it, but I'm about the whitest film reviewer you're going to find (really, just watch me try to dance some time). And while I really like the fact that here we have something different than the frequently monotonous identical white culture/audience represented, playing into hip hop stereotypes of women and cars might not be the healthiest alternative we have available to us.

Three discs is quite a bit to get for your money here, though bear in mind that one of them is a soundtrack disc (I'll have to slide that into the collection between Architecture in Helsinki and the Limousines. It'll fit, right?) If nothing else, you can't say you aren't getting your money's worth.

We open with two music videos, which I thought was a kind of cool way to do this. I'm honestly surprised there aren't more mainstream artists who more or less make their videos into something pornographic. Make sure they're marketed to adults, and I bet you'll have quite a hit on your hands. There are distribution issues, surely, but still, it would work.

By the time you hit the third chapter stop you're introduced to Jade, who has a tremendously fun body, great ass and all that, though is wearing underwear that just looks a bit funny on her. I get undersizing it to make the ass look bigger, but this just seems to hand there at first. It's a bigger relief when they're out of the way anyway. Jade has this thing going on a table where she's laying on her back with her legs flipped back up behind her head, then working her body a few other ways where we get to check her out. Fans of extreme closeup crotch shots will be pleased with what's on offer here, though if I have one complaint, it's the habit of constantly moving the camera. If it was either panning or zooming, I'd be alright with it, but when they're combined, I start to get a bit motion sick and feel like I really haven't gotten to look at the woman in question without ADD. Jade works very well with Pumper, and the scene itself is reasonably well shot, though again struggles with being zoomed in too much for too long. This was especially the case during the reverse cowgirl sequence. For one, Pumper is trying to do too much of the work, especially when that's the shot that is supposed to show off the female's body and talent. Then the camera was far too low, almost on the floor, which makes the angles all wrong. I know it's picky, but it's these little technical and directorial details that need more attention in this industry these days. I would have liked to have seen a facial at the end here, but it's a gut shot conclusion, one that was still very well captured.

Another music video features Beautiful and Ms Sunshyne. A quick hit of the fast forward button gets us to their non-musical scene. I really like Sunshyne's look in this scene, though the introduction seems to take quite a bit longer than it should. This scene was even a bit more guilty of poor camera angles, with the camera primarily too low and far too zoomed in. These are two very beautiful women who we barely got to see anything of aside from their crotches and asses. Penetration isn't the be-all end-all of porn, and displaying it like this seems to show a remarkably male-centric approach. Show us the people involved, show us their bodies, show us their pleasure, and yes, show us what they are doing. But being a one trick pony doesn't make for a good scene. Beautiful takes the pop shot on her face and in her mouth, leaving Sunshyne's face cum-free. Dammit.

And that's just two scenes. I like the innovation of the approach of integrating music videos, though the music itself is of questionable quality. I'd like to see the production itself cleaned up a bit so it doesn't seem like someone's private sex reel sold to the public with the expectation of consumption. It is that part, the technical approach, that keeps me from liking Phattys Rhymes & Dimes 9, something that if corrected could make this series that much stronger and more prominent.