This Ain't Star Trek XXX

THIS AIN'T STAR TREK XXX is yet another hardcore parody from the dirty but creative minds of director Axel Braun, who continues his winning streak in adapting classic TV shows of yesteryear into modern-day hardcore spectacles. For those who went to high school during the Reagan Revolution, many of the otherwise light and fluffy but shamelessly entertaining boob-tube programs have become - for better or for worse - part of our pop culture. Long before the advent of digital TV and home recording, reruns allowed Generation XXX-ers to enjoy shows like The Brady Bunch, Get Smart and The Partridge Family long after their actual cancellations. Hustler has already skewered many popular comedies to great acclaim and attention with their THIS AIN'T...line of titles. Now, the studio takes on the original STAR TREK series, which met its demise in the sixties but spawned a cult following as prolific as any religion, extending its "five year mission" into several major Hollywood movies, television spin-offs, cartoons, toys, books, and god knows what else.

The final result is that Trekkies and Trekkers everywhere have yet another film to enjoy this summer. THIS AIN'T STAR TREK XXX is one of those rare adult parodies where the execution in concept easily matches the excellent erotic content. It's such a success on so many levels that it puts the last two mainstream sequels to shame. However, it's not the first adult take on this franchise. Years ago, Randy Spears did a dead-on impression of James Tiberius Kirk in SEX TREK: THE NEXT PENETRATION, a flick which spawned four equally hardcore follow-ups. Unfortunately, budget limitations and the lack of any real artistic inspiration by cast and crew prevented the series from being anything more than a predictable and uninspired rip-off. Of course, the porn industry has made it a standard practice for years to adapt the look and titles of mainstream movies for instant product recognition and association (for instance, Ginger Lynn's On Golden Blonde was a well-known title, but never a classic movie), yet studios were usually downright lazy about doing anything more creative than that. The result was a flood of adult flicks which made superficial reference to mainstream films (THE COCKATEER, KINKY BUSINESS, BEVERLY HILLS COPULATOR and so forth), but ended being utterly forgettable.

Fortunately, Axel Braun hits the mark with his own version of STAR TREK. His approach avoids anything resembling slapstick or outright camp, and his direction pays tribute to the look and feel of the original series. As far as production values are concerned, the red, sky blue and gold costumes are dead-on accurate and the sparse set designs are entirely appropriate to the original look of the series. (Watching Mr. Sulu finger stationary buttons which resemble Jujubees on his console simply underscores the cheesy fun.) From the opening and closing main theme which evokes the classic strains of Alexander Courage (sans any distinctive melody, unfortunately) to the dramatic, non-violent finale, THIS AIN'T STAR TREK XXX is almost surreal in the way it recreates the show, despite obvious limitations in its size and scope (we don't get to visit any alien worlds, and we don't get to witness any epic space battles). I can't imagine any fan not wanting to see this movie from beginning to end (though frequent interruptions are expected when the urge for self-gratification takes its toll) if only to catch all the amusing dialogue. For instance, the first few verbal exchanges on the bridge include a dead-pan discussion between Kirk (played with convincing finesse by Evan Stone) and Sulu (played by Ero Sennin, who, along with the actor playing Scotty do not have any hardcore scenes) over whether their course of space travel should be "straight" or "parabolic" before Kirk makes the final order for "elliptical." Sure, it ain't Harlan Ellison, nor is it David Mamet, but there is a degree of academic wit which would make any respectable nerd snort and guffaw.

If for nothing else, this video is worth a good hard look for Jenna Haze, perhaps the finest performer ever (and I state this despite my undying devotion to legends like Ginger Lynn and Tori Welles). She serves up her amazing oral skills on Mr. Spock (played by Tony DeSergio, who could have done a better job hiding his British accent) and of course, it's a sight to behold. He then bends her over and screws her every which way but loose and Jenna purrs and moans like the sex kitten you've always wanted. True to his nature, Mr. Spock resists showing too much emotion while banging Miss Haze (to me, the less facial reaction shots we get of the guys, the better). Instead, he expresses his feelings of lust by planting his space seed (which, curiously, isn't green like Vulcan ) all over her pretty mouth. For an alien like Spock, a single heated session with Jenna Haze should be more than enough to cure the effects of Pon Farr.

Aurora Snow mates with Nick Manning who not only plays the villainous Khan, but just so happens to resemble a young Ricardo Montalban years before his reappearance in Star Trek II. Miss Snow is known as an anal expert, and that is exactly the kind of action we get in abundance here. Dr. McCoy is played nicely by Cheyne Collins, who ends up banging the very cute Cody Carmichael, while Jada Fire plays Uhuru. Her scene involves a good interracial DP-ing by Evans and DeSergio, which isn't taboo enough for porn, but would have set the network censors on fire if it appeared in the original series.

Sasha Grey also appears, beaming aboard the Enterprise in a sexy silver dress and ready to get it on with the good Captain right in the teleportation room. Now, as a reviewer who bitches and whines regularly about excessive tattoos and piercings on the female talent, I couldn't help but be distracted and irked by the artificial appendages worn by Miss Grey's character, namely, the Vulcan-ized ears. I know it's absolutely necessary for the film, but I'm just picky that way. However, aside from looking like an elf (a damn hottie of an elf, mind you), Sasha dazzles viewers with some hearty deepthroating and equally athletic fucking, even when she stands upright. Her enthusiasm for the oral cumshot (which is standard practice in this movie) is mere icing on the cake.

As for other misgivings...well, a good lesbian scene would have really added variety to the hardcore mix, and a climactic threesome with Jenna, Sasha and Cody would have been even better (never mind whether such a scene would have advanced the plot). As to the DVD itself, I really wish Hustler would do away with those damn front-loaded sex ads, which are well-made and of course feature hot babes, but only serve to cheapen the ambitious main feature. Finally, someone should really correct the spelling of "therein" in their opening legal disclaimer, if only to avoid the sneers and jeers of smartasses who bother to read it in the first place.

Included in the two-disc DVD package is a non-sex (!) version of the flick which runs less than 24 minutes total and features no nudity or anything else too risque. That doesn't mean that edited cleaner version is appropriate family viewing, but it's useful for those who want to enjoy the story without having to fumble around with the lotion. Three bonus scenes with Jenna, Sasha and Aurora Snow taken from other Hustler titles are also included, along with Behind The Scenes featurette, a blooper reel, and an actual Director's storyboard (probably a concept unheard of for most adult filmmakers). It's an amazing presentation, and an instant collector's items for fans of the sci-fi and adult genre (perhaps they are one and the same). The 2.0 audio is fine, but a 5.1 mix with some of the Enterprise's "beeps" and "boops" being heard in the surround channels would have been a nice touch. I did detect a slight, but not terribly distracting, lip sync problem during a couple of dialogue scenes, which may be the fault of my equipment or a slight mishap in the final production. Video quality is excellent, with the high definition picture looking almost film-like during the opening scenes on the bridge, and making the whole production seem downright cinematic.

Once again, Hustler deserves a hearty round of applause for delivering yet another successful take-off of a legendary television show. I eagerly look forward to THIS AIN'T STAR TREK: THE NEXT PENETRATION or DEEP DP SPACE 69 or whatever deviant sequel we can expect from the dirty mind of Mr. Axel Braun. (I personally would like the see the next film titled THE WRATH OF CUNT, but I'm sure that wouldn't go well with the general public.) Either way, this movie is highly recommended!

A few basic scenes with recognizable sets and clothes...
Sasha Grey is great as usual.