Sexpionage: The Drake Chronicles

Wicked more or less has two categories of features: the ones where they don't mind being funny, and the ones where they try to be serious and dramatic, like something on TNT but with a whole lot of hot fucking. We get a preview for Sexpionage: The Drake Chronicles, which very much seems to fit in the latter category. I'm not really sure what was going on, but is was something from Scott Allen that looks like it overproduced itself. Oh fuck, that's actually the film I'm reviewing. I see. Well, that's what I get for not paying attention when I'm putting the disc into the player. I don't have a box for this one, you see, so when I finished my last review (Welcome Back Kotter XXX, if you're interested), I just chucked the next disc into my machine. I have a portable DVD player I run the film on while I type on a computer. This is the fastest, most efficient way, it turns out. We had the trailer, and then we kind of get it all over again at the beginning of the film. Oh. Crap. It seems this film is completely stuck in a loop. It's this same trailer, over and over. And because Wicked insists that we watch all of their previews, I can't use the menu button to try to bust out of it. Sorry, this is all I can do for you. I guess there's some drama in it. And Bonnie Rotten being Bonnie Rotten. I still think she tries a tad too hard, but she has a good scene here. Rough, really, for something from Wicked. Teal Conrad has a scene I enjoy watching a great deal, too. Or I would. Those fours econds of the trailer seem to be very nice.

And Asa Akira and Jessica Drake have a scene together. Oh, and there's a porn star with a . I hate that. I hate play in porn. Especially when they try to be pseudo thug about it. So. It looks like it might be good. They put some money into the effects.

Oh, and you get Jessica Drake looking completely unconvincing in a cheerleader outfit. Sorry, but she just looks too old to pull that off. Oh, and instead of really getting a facial, and being from a good angle, Teal Conrad's money shot gets the window behind her and then she licks it. Because that's dramatic. Or artsy. Or something. Good luck.