Bitanic

If the title "Bitanic" hasn't already tipped you off?this is an "adult" take on the 1997 James Cameron hit, "Titanic", directed by transsexual and sometimes actor, Karen Dior. Hope you like a big helping of cheese with your porno, no matter how unintentional, 'cuz this video's got it. There's bisexual (male and female) and straight sex in this movie, which assures that if you're a bi or bi-curious guy/gal, there's something for you. Unfortunately, the women aren't as appealing as the men, and the men don't seem real excited to be in this one.

G-rated footage is intercut between the sex ?- shot on a real ship, not a set. Those parts are widescreen and grainier than the rest of the movie while the sex (on a set) is full-frame and clean. Awkward delivery plagues the cheeseball and funny dialogue, which isn't over the top enough to have camp value. But what do you expect, right? If you're looking for exciting sex to open yourself, your wife or husband to the bisexual world, this ain't it. Man-to-man action is silent, without many grunts or groans, while the women are anything but quiet about their arousal. Better girl-girl sex can be had by watching any of Vivid's "Where The Boys Aren't" discs, and there's better man to man sex just about anywhere else. The same two '70s/'80s style synth tunes accompany the sex. One sounds like it would better fit a Hawaiian Luau instead of gettin' it on, and the other sounds like a bad Deep Forest or Enigma rip-off. But hey, you don't watch porno for the music, do you?

It opens with Rosebud (Janice Jones) discussing her displeasure about her engagement to debonair rich boy Hal (James Perry) with her Mother. As in the Cameron movie, her mother insists that she wed the rich guy and learn to love him for the sake of their survival. Rosebud can't do that without seeing what else is out there, so she screws the next guy she meets?Jake (Brent Cross). He takes her below decks where he gives her light-haired pussy a nice long tongue bath. She returns the favor as they both get naked and she works his tool with her mouth.

We then cut to a "misunderstanding" which leads to Hal and Mother to hook up in the hallway. The older Mother (Sharon Kane) is one horny chick, demanding to see Hal's cock before plastering him up against a wall, eagerly giving him head. They're discovered by a passerby who whips out his meat and begins beating off to the reckless abandon with which Mother sucks her soon-to-be son-in-law's fat one. When their audience is discovered, he joins in and Mother switches gears and blows the silent stranger. Reluctantly, Hal is convinced to lick the stranger's balls and he gets his first taste of man before switching over to pussy duty, tonguing Mother from underneath. The stranger then gets to pound her from behind while Hal licks her tits and massages her pussy. Mother really gets into it and voices her enthusiasm as these two guys service her needs.

Back to Rosebud and Jake, where he gets to ram his large sausage into her awaiting pussy from behind. She then gets on top and straddles his endowment, bouncing as her tits wiggle up and down. He shoots his load on her tits and face before he realizes he has to deliver some medicine to his friend and runs off. That's where we meet Molly Brown (played by Bunny Bleu). Molly?an older, more experienced lady, watches our heroine masturbate from the shadows before she's seen and enters the room. We then get treated to Molly's bad '80s hair metal 'do and obviously enlarged breasts (you can spot these from ten miles away). There's a lot of boob and pussy licking as Rosebud lies back, awkwardly sinking her finger into Molly's hole before they 69. It's got to be one of the least arousing lesbian scenes I've ever seen. I like watching two lesbians get it on as much as the next guy, but these women aren't attractive and the camerawork isn't flattering.

Jake finds his sick roomie Fierenzio (Matthew Thomas) pants-less and jerking his big dick off in their cabin. Finding this irresistible, Jake helps his friend out by wrapping his lips around it. This is actually pretty hot as both guys seem into it. By the end of the scene they've switched places and Fierenzio blows him while jerking off.

Back at the hallway threesome, Rosebud finds Mother fucking her fiancé senseless as their stranger jerks off. After watching for a minute, she makes herself known and runs off. Her fiancé gives chase?leaving the stranger to cover Mother's tits with his load. Rosebud, "mad" at her fiancé, uses the opportunity to make him blow an unsuspecting (but willing) male stranger. Reluctant at first, Hal sucks the dude's dick while she barks orders and encouragement. The men strip down and slowly get down to business caressing each other's meat while Rose slips out of her clothes. The stranger expertly snorkels Hal's rod before she demands to see him get ass-rammed. The three assume a triangle and she jerks Hal off while he licks her pussy, the stranger rhythmically ramming Hal with his cock. Fortunately for the viewer, tragedy soon strikes. The ship hits an iceberg (GASP! The humanity!!!), but it's more like some toy boat in a pool that hits an ice cube. Everyone gets their rocks off, panic ensues, ship sinks, "The End".

This doesn't have much in the way of DVD features. The chapter select does have live video cuts in small windows of the movie's scenes which is a handy feature if searching for one particular moment. A slide show offers several stills, some of which are on the back of the DVD packaging, some that aren't. A biographies section gives you pun-filled descriptions of three of the film's stars that's hardly worth looking at. Rounding out the features are trailers for other Pleasure Productions videos (all straight), an ad for their web site, and phone sex ads that are more arousing than the movie itself.

Slightly funny, but the action is forgettable even if the price is more attractive than other, better all-gay or bisexual sex features.