Wet N' Frosty

Porn is something that gets linked up with rock 'n' roll, beers, maybe some doobie...you know, a good time. While that stuff may make the entire smut viewing experience more fun for us audiences, I dare say that it's not quite as much fun when you're watching the porners do it. In fact, it can be kind of tedious. That's the problem with "Wet 'n Frosty"; here, we're treated to endless footage of studs and starlets like Samantha Sterlyng, Daisy Chain, Belladonna, and Pat Myne stumbling around a house (and outside of it) in Big Bear, California, while they're , goofing off, feeling horny, or all of the above. In the midst of all the hellraising, shouting, and chugging, they fuck - sometimes as an orgiastic group, and other times as a couple with everyone sitting around watching, masturbating or just plain chilling out.

The sex isn't bad - at some times, it's pretty hot - but the in-between stuff is totally fast-forward material, unless you get off on watching people acting like stoned frat boys and sorority sisters. And I guess I don't.

First up is Samantha Sterlyng, a big-titted hottie getting fingered by Tyler Wood in a sauna while blondes Phoenix Ray and Daisy Chain watch on. This scene is pretty indicative of what the flick's like: Samantha and Tyler get it on, while you get distracting cutaways to Phoenix on the toilet (you don't see her pee, but you see her sit and wipe herself), the camera lens fogs up from the sauna, and some thrashy Limp Bizkit wannabe soundtrack pounds away. I don't doubt that fucking Samantha Sterlyng is a mind-blowing experience, but the movie goes out of its way to distract you from the sexing. It's only about 10 minutes in, after some pussy eating, cocksucking, doggy style and cowgirl boffing, that the music is allowed to die off so you actually hear two people rutting. Tyler cums on her tits, but it's shot from such a low angle that you don't really see any of it hit 'til the camera readjusts.

Lots of "hilarity" follows, with chicks on toilets (again, no actual peeing shown, just sitting on the porcelain), Belladonna in face moisturizer, guys putting on face moisturizer, and much banter. After that, Pat Myne shows up in a bedroom to break apart lezzing Samantha and Ryan Meadows, a cute brunette with adorable tiny tits. Pat missionaries Ryan for a looong time on the bed (while Samantha listens to Led Zep and diddles her poontang through her pants) before doggying her and then plugging her booty. He cums on her freshly fucked asshole, but it's wack: one blast and that's it for his manchowder. After pounding so much tight hole (especially so eagerly and, in some cases, nasty, with Pat slapping Ryan's face a couple of times), you'd expect a porn professional to deliver the goods.

Next up are girls like Phoenix Ray and Samantha playing with "pocket rocket" vibrators, and exclaiming how much they love 'em. Samantha even farts in Ryan's face as she . Not very exciting, folks.

A big sexathon with Phoenix, Pat, Tyler, Calli Cox, Samantha and Katie Morgan follows all that. The big problem with sex scenes with more than three or four people, in my opinion, is that they get tougher to shoot and edit in a way that doesn't seem like pure chaos. Granted, chaos can be OK, as long as the actual sex is hot (a particularly amazing BJ, for example, can be randomly inserted into anything and still give you a stiffy), but this stuff is average: Samantha and Katie lez and occasionally munch on the toes of the other lasses while Pat and Tyler pump Calli and Phoenix in a variety of familiar positions. Pat spoos on Phoenix's ample bosom - again, with one lonely pathetic blast - and Tyler cums at Calli's face and chin, but she pretty much has to stick out her tongue in order to catch any of it. (And even then, the image is slow motion, so that cumshot probably didn't really last long.)

A game of porn slutlet Twister then comes along. It should be fun to watch some girlies getting all knotted up on a Twister mat, right? Well, you be the judge, because this 7 or 8 minutes seemed to drag on for me.

An orgiastic ensemble of Phoenix, Daisy, Pat, Ryan, Samantha, Cheyne Collins, Tyler and Katie in a living room setting is next, and it's even more chaotic than the previous multi-performer tryst. Sure, there's a lot of fingers, tongues and cocks sliding into pussies and mouths, but aside from one, nice, understandably energetic shot of Cheyne pumping Samantha missionary style and Ryan doing a nice cum lick off Cheyne's rod, none of this is particularly choad-blowing. It's certainly not below average, but definitely not above it either. Also, the image goes black and the sound stops for a bit over a minute during this scene - I suspect an authoring problem.

After a lengthy snowboarding sequence and hot tub frolic to pad things out, we're treated to mega-slut Belladonna and blonde pixie Katie Morgan getting it on with Johny Slovak. Now, brunette and tattooed Belladonna may not be for everyone, but I've always enjoyed her mega-watt energy, so her presence in a movie makes me perk up. Unfortunately, she's really pretty reserved here, only giving some slobbery pussy-to-mouth blowjobs as Johny pumps Katie's twat cowgirl style, and also being one of the only anal recipients in the entire title. Even the doggy and reverse cowgirl anals that Belladonna takes are kind of average though; none of her trademark kinkiness (like as ass-to-mouth) is present, and as this is far from a "couples" title, I figure a critique over a lack of real smut is valid. Still, Johny's got more cum that Pat Myne, and lets loose some creamy strands on the inside of Belladonna's thighs and on her pussy.

The last scene features Samantha and Daisy going Sappho on a kitchen counter, turning each other into human sundaes with whipped cream, chocolate sauce, and cherries being eaten and licked off of toes and tits, with some hearty pussy frigging and double-headed dildo pumping in between. Not bad, but not exemplary either.

"Wet 'n Frosty" leans more towards frosty in my book: I like the girls just fine, but the presentation of the sex is too padded out by antics and the fucking is shot in too average a fashion for me to be completely turned on. All that stuff that I found dull, however, could float your boat, so just keep in mind that if you dig watching folks acting like a bunch of college kids, then this could be for you. There are more extras than the early Elegant Angel releases (the company's getting better about including things), but honestly none of it has anything to do with this title: there are 5 trailers, a 9 minute 35 second "tribute" to the "Buttwoman" series and all of its stars who played her, a trailer for the website featuring a naked Belladonna grooving about, "Twisted Pix 2" (a photo gallery of porn scenes that were Photoshop-ed into a freak show of grotesque, acid-induced images), photos from the 2002 C.E.S. show, and behind the scenes photos (both "hard" and "soft") from a "Sodomania" title featuring Daisy Chain. It's a nice amount of stuff, it would just be better if some of it had something to do with "Wet 'n Frosty".