Chop Stix

Even as a fan of seventies and early eighties adult films, I never had any particular interest to see CHOP STIX, until its digital release by the good people at VCA Pictures (one of the very few major studios which does a consistently exceptional job at preserving their porn past). Now that I've had the chance to view it, and get reacquainted (however briefly) with some legendary and near legendary performers like Sharon Kane and Kandy Barbour, I am pleased to add it to my collection of blue movie oldies. Now that's not to say that is shares an honorary spot next to titles like NEW WAVE HOOKERS or BARBARA BROADCAST or even THE TEASE, but this movie still has erotic value even in the crowded world of smut where extreme gozno reigns supreme.

Samantha Morgan, who does not appear to be the girl on the box cover, plays the lead, but it's doubtful that viewers will want to see this movie solely because of her. Her sex scenes are limited to one full sex segment which comes in the middle of the film and a lightning fast bit of oral work which occurs near the end at an outdoor orgy. Though this short-haired golden girl supposedly plays someone in her late teens or early twenties, she looks quite a bit older and there is nothing truly remarkable about her physical performances. It appears that Miss Morgan had a brief career in adult (appearing in less than five films) and it's of little wonder why most people have not heard of her.

Similarly, I'm not sure if CHOP STIX qualifies as a true classic, despite the fact that it's a feature actually shot on film and driven by something resembling plot and character, with actual dialogue, location shooting and an attempt at real acting. Though the title stereotypically suggests an Asian theme, CHOP STIX takes place in France (at the beginning, where Samantha attends boarding school, though some of the outdoor settings appear to be a random California suburb) and the good ol' U.S. of A with white folks making up the overwhelming majority of the cast. In fact, the plot is just about as "all-American" as you can get: Samantha plays Jill Stewart, an orphan who leaves her boarding school to accept an inheritance from her uncle. Once at home, she finds out her newly acquired estate is in debt, and that she is being ripped off by an unscrupulous lawyer. So, she hooks up with her aunt, who just so happens to run a house of ill repute, and who apparently is better at handling money than her naive little niece. Anyhow, the aunt helps Jill raise the dough by getting her into the escort business, which includes the use of a restored catering van which is dubbed "Chop Stix" (from an original sign which said "Chop Steaks" Clever, no?) Needless to say, there's more than a few happy endings by the end of this movie. It's not quite "Risky Business" nor is it even "The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas," but it is a fairly interesting farce which helps connect the short and simple sex scenes.

The first sex scene involves a little play-acting by a cop (played by a recognizable Don Fernando) who "punishes" a young girl for being let. It takes place at Samantha's aunt's brothel, and is a convenient way to start the action. She gives him a slow and deep blowjob, with plenty of ball-massaging, which goes on for a few minutes before he blows his (modest) load all over her hands and lips. Though her technique is not spectacular, her earnestness makes the short scene arousing, indeed.

Thin blonde Serena, who I have to imagine is probably more familiar to adult aficionados than Miss Morgan, appears in the second sex scene. Again taking place at the bordello, Serena is involved in a cowboy fantasy with some balding guy who eats her pussy and then plugs her anally in a doggy position. He eventually unloads his goo on her stomach, after screwing her pussy missionary style. The faux country and western music is corny, but Serena's general sex appeal makes the scene watchable.

The next sex scene takes Samantha's character and two of her aunt's in-house providers to a construction site, where the refurbished catering van is open for business involving food and recreation. The remaining sex scenes are also situational, but the performers are difficult to identify. The cast is generally filled with unknowns, though I certainly recognized TABOO's Dorothy LeMay (billed here as "Dorothy Young") during her fuck and suck scene in the catering truck. Very cute brunette Barbara Harold, who apparently made no other flicks after this one, also offers her services during the same setting, getting boned missionary style on the floor by one of the construction workers. The two girls appear once more in the following sequence where Barbara orally pleases one executive after another (we only see one blowjob performed to completion, however) while Dorothy gets plugged after offering a "box lunch" and some "pie" to another.

Eventually, we witness Samantha getting a little action by some guy who intercepts her while she walks down the halls, and undresses her while she nervously lies back and gets her pussy eaten out before assuming a sixty-nine position. The soft, pseudo-classical music is almost jarring, compared to the goofy, slapstick soundtrack heard during the other sex scenes, but I guess it's meant to illustrate the intensity of what Samantha feels. The two kiss passionately, and he eventually cums on her stomach after an extended missionary fuck.

Later, we are given several minutes of very tightly edited sexual situations going on in the catering truck after a return to the construction site (which more than likely was shot in a single sequence but spread out). In the meantime, Samantha is personally commended by a wealthy businessman who is pleased that because of her business, the construction crew is ahead of schedule in their work. He hires her to cater a pool party, and true to the movie's title, we see actual chop sticks handled by an Asian looking girl (who I assume is Cindy Wong) to dip some guy's limp cock into a sauce before taking a few licks. The sticks are then skillfully employed to help expose her clit for the same dude to munch away. Elsewhere around the pool, partygoers get naked and free with each other, and I was pleased to recognize classic actresses like dark-haired Kandi Barbour and Sharon Kane (looking remarkably young, obviously) doing what they do best. The final sex scene also has random acts of carnality during a formal party, with highlights including Jessie St. James (another classic performer) engaging in some fine oral work on the special guests. I was waiting for a climactic sex scene involving the lead actress, but alas, our successful business girl seemed content to keep her position in management rather than labor

As mentioned previously, VCA does a commendable job with this film to digital video transfer. The image is crisp and relatively clean, with the only defect coming from visible "noise" bars rotating vertically towards the end of the film. The movie is not widescreen, and I have no idea whether it was actually filmed in anything but television proportion ratios, but the framing looks appropriate. Bonuses are limited to a photo gallery (which look like video freeze frames), some internet information and a few trailers.

Is this DVD a must-see? Not really. And if you have an aversion to anything which doesn't feature at least one clean-shaven, post-teen anal queen hottie, then I suggest you stay as far away as possible. But for those who have a nostalgic yen for some golden age porn, take a free hand and go ahead and pick up these CHOP STIX.