Perfect Pair, The

In an interview conducted about a year ago with Adult DVD Empire, director Cash Markman talked about his plans for The Perfect Pair, and what a great idea he thought it was for a movie. In reading that interview, I too, thought that the movie sounded like a pretty funny idea...but somewhere between the page and the stage, something went wrong: The Perfect Pair is not a very good movie, either as a comedy or as a porn.

The premise is that Anthony Crane and Steve Austin are Siamese twins, joined at the hip since birth. In the tradition of a good Neil Simon play, one of the twins (Austin) is neat and proper, while the other (Crane) is a complete slob and sex hound. You would think that this would lead to some humorous fun...sadly, it does not.

The two brothers head off to a strip club, where they watch Brittany Andrews strut her stuff on stage, and later give a blowjob to Peter Giles. Peter has nothing to do with the storyline, other than the fact that his scene establishes Austin's uncomfortableness around women. Later in the movie, the two will return to the club and go backstage, where Steve will get a blowjob from Brittany.

While they are watching Brittany on stage, the twins call up Dee, whom they have shown a house to earlier in the day (did I mention these guys were involved in real estate?). Dee and her boyfriend (Eric Price) laughingly turn the guys down and then make them listen to the two of them having sex together. Eric takes her in the missionary, reverse cowgirl and doggy positions, before squirting his load on her ass.

The two brothers also wind up going to a psychiatrist, which is played by Frank Buckwyd, who always manages to pop up in a non-sex role in a Cash Markman film. There are some lame attempts at humor here between Crane and Austin, must most of the dialogue falls flat, and the viewer will wish that the film would just get on to more sexual action and quite trying to amuse us with failed attempts at humor.

Charlie fans will be happy to know that she pops up for the final scene in the film with hubby Jonathan Simms for a nice scene which concludes with a fantastic facial. Their coupling is easily the hottest in the movie, and I came away wishing the entire movie had been this hot, instead of just the final scene.

Unfortunately, the features are just as bad as the film, offering only a slide show, two previews and some phone sex ads.

Cash Markman can be, and has been, a very good director of adult film, but in the past year or so he seems to have made some really poor product. This, coupled with the fact that Dreamland doesn't put out high quality DVDs, has made his last couple of releases less than collectible. My advice to Mr. Markman: return to what you do best, spoofing classic TV shows and movies such as Star Trek, The Prisoner and others...these movies showed Markman at his directorial best...The Perfect Pair, however, is anything but perfect.